Gossip in God's Name

"Please pray for my husband...he is so insensitive and does not nurture the children the way he should. When they cry he just lets them be bla bla bla bla"

"Please pray for my husband....He is so stubborn. There are many things he just wont listen to me about. He doesn't agree with me about ____he doesn't think _____is right bla bla bla bla"

"Please pray for my husband....He doesn't care for the body God gave him and he's gaining weight, he's unhealthy, he eats junk food, he bla bla bla bla bla."

"Please pray for my husband....we had an argument. It was about _______[explains the argument in detail]"

"Please pray for my husband...he wants me to give up my Independence and stay home with the kids. He doesn't think I should be working and I believe God wants me to be _____"

"Please pray for my husband....He doesn't help me around the house with chores. I'm stuck doing everything and it seems like he has no care for me bla bla bla bla"

and this list goes on

and on

and

on

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How many times have we been at a ladies bible study or group, time for prayer requests come along and we hear prayer requests for their husbands? Maybe we have even been the ones offering prayer requests for our own husbands. This isn't bad is it? Prayer for our husbands is absolutely always in order however discernment for the things we ask for in prayer with groups should be considered before we go sharing our deepest feelings about who is supposed to be our deepest love on earth.

I can't tell you what the line is between what to ask and what not to ask in prayer but I can tell you, considering a couple of things before you bring a request before others is probably a good idea. Over the course of womanhood, I have grown a tainted view toward certain men solely because of how a woman brought up a prayer request. It degrades their husbands to the point where they are thought of as rude, mean, selfish etc, all because a woman had a lack of respect OR that couple had an argument on that particular day and needed to vent. This is gossip. It is also using the Lords name in vain. When we spread around gossip in the name of prayer that is really in the name of God. It is sinful.

Consider these things before you share your most raw moments with others. First of all, spend some time with God and ask him these questions as well as yourself.
1. Is what you are saying going to tear your husband down?
2. Is what you are asking honouring to God and to your husband?
3. Is what your asking something that truly should be changed from your husbands end?
4. Consider how you can make a change that will help the situation
5. Is it really a request that everyone needs to hear about or do you just want the attention of people feeling sorry for your circumstance? (you may not be consciously seeking attention but God may reveal this to you if you ask.)

Using the examples from the beginning, here are some honouring ways of offering a prayer request that might be appropriate

"Please pray that my husband and I would nurture the children the way they need in life that they will not depart from the Lord like the Bible says in Proverbs."

"My husband and I have had a lot of disagreements lately. Whether I'm right or wrong, I just wand to know what God's perspective is and do what is right and honour my husband."

"I want to make sure my family is eating healthy. Please pray that I would be able to make good decisions when doing groceries and cooking."

Never tell a group about a specific argument in detail. It has no benefit.

"I'm struggling whether I should stay at home and not work. Please pray for my study in scripture about this and conversations that are to come with my husband."

"I'm feeling overworked and stressed with all the house work. Please pray that I can organize better and overlook things that seem to bother me when they done get done."

Often what happens when we make a change as women, is our husband see the change and they want to change for the better also. When we respect our husbands the way we are supposed to, they start loving on us the way they are supposed to. This is the biblical model God has set out for us. Eph 5 says it beautifully.

All women should have another older wiser woman that she can share her frustrations with. Someone who is not going to change their perspective on your husband no matter what they say. Someone that if you told "I'm so frustrated that my husband doesn't_______________" will respond with "Well, what can you do about this situation from your end?" rather than "Yeah well, your husband needs to learn to ______________".  Too often the second is the advice when we share these requests in pride. What does this do? Well, bitterness toward our husbands step in and begins to fester and the more we hear advice like this the more we dislike our husbands. I've been there. There was a time when I did not love my husband anymore and it was almost done...I did not surround myself with women who would still look well on my husband no matter what his shortcomings were.



One note of caution on the contrary: When we don't talk to anyone about our husbands shortcomings it can create a lonely place and lies become your reality. I've spent almost the last 2 years not telling anyone of my frustrations and hurts at home. It's just been me, trying to deal with pain and not allowing God to help me heal. I've been moving back and forth to and from Oregon trying to hold onto mentors in both places but because of all the moving there wasn't really a constant.  It wasn't until a couple of months ago that I gained enough trust in my mentor here in Canada that I was able to get some of these things off my chest. Did her perspective of my husband change? No. She still sees him as a strong man even though she knows of some of his short comings. So don't keep everything in ladies. It's important to talk about your struggles in an honouring way but it's not a group event.