- Kids all ran out of the kitchen after breakfast leaving mom to do all of clean up on her own. "That's not fair!"
- Guy speeds past you on the highway so you think you can go a little faster to find 2 mins later your being pulled over by a cop. "That's not fair."
- Your husband finishes work and there's still TONS of laundry to do, he kicks up his heals, puts on the TV while wifey is STILL working into the night..."That's not fair!"
- After 3 days of being up all night with one sick kid preparing yourself for a full nights sleep tonight you find out at 2 in the morning that the next kid is sick...or to make it worse 3 more kids are sick at the same time. "That's not fair."
- You look at another mother trotting around in heals, lipstick and a lovely countenance and think to yourself "Where in the world does she have time to smile let alone put lipstick on?" "That's not fair."
I'm sure you could come up with quite a few more.
Well, yesterday I had a "That's not fair!" Moment although my pride would probably say otherwise. I never did udder the words "That's not fair." because I think those words are contrary to how we should be living our Christian lives but my attitude sure did say otherwise.
Last year we attended a wonderful library program. Every week the kids would do a really great craft. Not the kind that you will just toss out or misplace but "gift worthy" crafts. Ones that have either all been given away as gifts or are still hanging around the house. Well this year I signed up the 3 older kids and we happened to miss the first class. I can't remember why. And then last week I completely spaced on it so we didn't make it either. But this week we were all ready to go and getting 6 little girls into a Kia Rondo is quite the task (1 girl is not mine). When we arrived, the librarian, whom is a very lovely lady, looked at me in surprise upon seeing me and told me I hadn't registered the kids and therefor couldn't stay this week so we would have to come next week. Clearly she was ticked off with me for not coming the previous two weeks but who was even more clear about being ticked was myself. And I made it known to all who were present.
"Well, I thought I had signed them up for the whole summer just like last year."
"Nope. You have to sign up every week."
"O...K...I'll sign them up for next week then."
The librarian asked me their names. "Jenny, Rainy, Pillar." Then she asked their ages. "9, 6 and 4." Right away the response was "Ah! 4 is too young" followed by a proud strong solid line crossed right through Pillar's name. Oh was I mad now. With eyebrows raised I said as short as I possibly could "OK. We'll be here next week then." No eye contact. Just a statement and off I went.
As the kids gaily dashed to the park to play I steamed my way over. As usual I can count on Jenny to try to boost my spirits when I'm clearly frustrated. She says "don't worry mom, we don't mind playing at the park today instead :)" What a sweet child. That's the kind of attitude Christ expects us to have in times of trial such as the one I was in.
As I sat on the bench contemplating what I was going to say when the craft was over and I had time to talk with the librarian I became more and more humble. First, I was going to wait until it was over to talk to her. Then I changed my mind and decided I would pull her aside during the craft. Then the thought came to mind that all the children and parents saw my "that's not fair" behaviour and therefor they also need to witness my setting things right and bringing glory to God in this situation. I knew what I had to do.
As Jenny watched the kids for a moment I went back into the building. I apologized for everyone to see. Then I got her explanation. Last week, she was short on supplies and risking being late for the activity, Mme. ran back to her home to fetch just enough supplies for my children just to find out that I wouldn't show up...again. Of course she was short with me. Of course she demanded we sign up every week from now on. Of course her expectation of me had been let down, more than once and all of a sudden this "That's not fair" mindset dissipated. It was one of those moments of instant humility for me.
When is it ever okay to say "That's not fair?" For who? Aren't we living for God? So what does it matter if someone offends us, or if we have a little extra work to do, or if we don't look the way the perfect mom in high heels and lipstick looks. So what? Where is the focus? Have we put to focus on ourselves? Of course we have. And what is it called when the focus ends up anywhere other than God? IDOLATRY. We've made ourselves into little emotional hormonal idols when we pity ourselves because it isn't about God anymore.
Jesus teaches us how to stay away from this form of idolatry. He tells us to lay up treasures in heaven, not on earth. Our earthly things will be destroyed but our treasure in heaven will remain forever. (He's talking about our actions...Godly actions lead to goodly life...before and after death of the flesh) (Matt 6:19) He tells us in Matt 5:43-48 that we are to love those who don't treat us well because it's not up to us to make things fair. It's God's job to make things just. He'll take care of it. We don't need to worry about it. We just do the right thing. Isn't that what we teach our children? I tell my kids all the time "I'm the mom. Don't worry about being one yet. Make friendships with your sisters not rivalries." How about when Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek? When someone hurts you don't hurt them back, just know that God will do his work. (Matt 5:33-37)
Man I love the sermon on the mount. It makes life so clear. We just have to make an effort to meditate on Gods word day and night. (Josh 1:8) That doesn't mean read the Bible AAALLLLL day long. Every mother knows that's not possible but it is possible to remember God's commands AAAALLLLL day long. Remember God does not want us to have the "That's not fair" heart. He'll take care of things.
(Just want to be very clear that I was the one in the wrong in this situation. Some of these verses are specifically regarding people who do evil against you. In this case, it was my sin, not my friend's that caused me to feel "that's not fair".)
As the kids gaily dashed to the park to play I steamed my way over. As usual I can count on Jenny to try to boost my spirits when I'm clearly frustrated. She says "don't worry mom, we don't mind playing at the park today instead :)" What a sweet child. That's the kind of attitude Christ expects us to have in times of trial such as the one I was in.
As I sat on the bench contemplating what I was going to say when the craft was over and I had time to talk with the librarian I became more and more humble. First, I was going to wait until it was over to talk to her. Then I changed my mind and decided I would pull her aside during the craft. Then the thought came to mind that all the children and parents saw my "that's not fair" behaviour and therefor they also need to witness my setting things right and bringing glory to God in this situation. I knew what I had to do.
As Jenny watched the kids for a moment I went back into the building. I apologized for everyone to see. Then I got her explanation. Last week, she was short on supplies and risking being late for the activity, Mme. ran back to her home to fetch just enough supplies for my children just to find out that I wouldn't show up...again. Of course she was short with me. Of course she demanded we sign up every week from now on. Of course her expectation of me had been let down, more than once and all of a sudden this "That's not fair" mindset dissipated. It was one of those moments of instant humility for me.
When is it ever okay to say "That's not fair?" For who? Aren't we living for God? So what does it matter if someone offends us, or if we have a little extra work to do, or if we don't look the way the perfect mom in high heels and lipstick looks. So what? Where is the focus? Have we put to focus on ourselves? Of course we have. And what is it called when the focus ends up anywhere other than God? IDOLATRY. We've made ourselves into little emotional hormonal idols when we pity ourselves because it isn't about God anymore.
Jesus teaches us how to stay away from this form of idolatry. He tells us to lay up treasures in heaven, not on earth. Our earthly things will be destroyed but our treasure in heaven will remain forever. (He's talking about our actions...Godly actions lead to goodly life...before and after death of the flesh) (Matt 6:19) He tells us in Matt 5:43-48 that we are to love those who don't treat us well because it's not up to us to make things fair. It's God's job to make things just. He'll take care of it. We don't need to worry about it. We just do the right thing. Isn't that what we teach our children? I tell my kids all the time "I'm the mom. Don't worry about being one yet. Make friendships with your sisters not rivalries." How about when Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek? When someone hurts you don't hurt them back, just know that God will do his work. (Matt 5:33-37)
Man I love the sermon on the mount. It makes life so clear. We just have to make an effort to meditate on Gods word day and night. (Josh 1:8) That doesn't mean read the Bible AAALLLLL day long. Every mother knows that's not possible but it is possible to remember God's commands AAAALLLLL day long. Remember God does not want us to have the "That's not fair" heart. He'll take care of things.
(Just want to be very clear that I was the one in the wrong in this situation. Some of these verses are specifically regarding people who do evil against you. In this case, it was my sin, not my friend's that caused me to feel "that's not fair".)
Wow, what a interesting read! Thank you for sharing your experience Amy. You definitely got me thinking about my own life's "it's no fair" situations and helped remind me about what's really important.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this Amy! What a blessing and wonderful example you are to your girls and others around your community.(and further with this blog)Keep fighting the good fight.
ReplyDelete