Sex is boring! The sole purpose of sex is to release sexual tension built up throughout the day...or sometimes a few days so you can go to sleep, wake up the next morning, go through your day while your husband builds up more sexual tension, and do it all again. There's no doubt that it is pleasurable when it happens and that it does make for a better sleep but could I have done without it? Yeah.
Making Love. Now that's something worth talking about.
In Genesis 4:1 we read that Adam "knew his wife". I looked at the word "know" in Strong's Lexicon and here are all the definitions for the word to know. Now I understand that they don't all pertain to the action of making love but just for fun I looked at them in that perspective and what I found was that they really all describe love making really well. I've put my favourites in bold and continue talking about them next.
to know
to know, learn to know
to perceive
to perceive and see, find out and discern
to discriminate, distinguish
to know by experience
to recognise, admit, acknowledge, confess
to consider
to know, be acquainted with
to know (a person carnally)
to know how, be skilful in
to have knowledge, be wise
to be made known, be or become known, be revealed
to make oneself known
to be perceived
to be instructed
to cause to know
to cause to know
to be known
known, one known, acquaintance
to make known, declare
to be made known
to make oneself known, reveal oneself
Learn to know it is something that you need to learn. It's been 10+ years since I started and it's only gotten better...much better. And it's going to get better. I can't even imagine that.
Find out and discern Wow. There's a mental image. Find out what's right for you. For a long time the idea of oral sex was very unappealing. To some it will always be unappealing, but find out whether it is or not and discern.
To know by experience. Paul says in 1 Cor 7:1-5 that both husband and wife should not deprive the other of love making so that we are not tempted to do something stupid whether it is as horrid as watching pornography or temptation of another woman to letting built up sexual tension cause friction between husband and wife. Experience is the key here. Lots of experience.
To recognize, admit, acknowledge, confess. This is probably my favourite of all of the definitions. Making love is not like sex. Making love ignites all the senses. Look at Song of Solomon In the first paragraph along this woman is using taste; with a kiss, drinking wine. She smells the pleasing fragrance of the oils he is using to rub on her, Touch; running together, the king brings her into his chambers. Sight, she is described, "do not stare at me because I am swarthy" she says. She asks her lover a question and listens for the answer. That is one paragraph. The whole book is like this. They make love on many accounts throughout this book and each time they are playing, having fun, talking, hiding, laughing. In the second paragraph the woman is talking about her house. "I love my house. What a wonderful couch we have, and the rafters are amazing." They are talking about everyday things. What an amazing time to confess and ask forgiveness. what a great way to say "I forgive you."
To Consider means to actually think about what he's saying. My husband is a closed type of person. It is hard for me to get any emotion from him mainly because I don't think he fully knows just how to put it. But during this time of talking, exploring, something important might just come out. I wouldn't jump all over my husband the moment he opens up because he'd just close up again, but considering what he says helps me to understand him a bit more all the time.
To know how, be skilful in. Well that one speaks for itself. I used to be really paranoid about doing things the right or wrong way, I was insecure, I didn't even want to show my whole self off to my husband but we've done some couples studies together and through them you learn a lot. It has taken me 10 years to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me 1000 times a day but it took that long. A lot of it had to do with the taboo of sex I had in my mind. My favourite study we did was by Mark and Grace Driscoll called REAL Marriage. Here is his series of sermons on the topic In the book, which I recommend you read had an extensive section on sex. It was a great read. Also to be instructed goes along with this statement well. Don't be scared to ask if you're doing it right or wrong.
Be revealed I loved this one because it is talking about me...It made me ashamed to "be revealed". Especially after a baby belly (some of my several marathon a year runner friends may not find this to be the case) but to my husband I was like Solomon's girl. If your husband doesn't make you feel like this, read Song of Solomon together...naked. Michael Pearl wrote a wonderful commentary on the Song of Solomon called Holy Sex. Get this book. I wish I still had it but I give all my good reads away.
To make oneself known Before Adam and Eve took the fruit they were naked and that's just the way it was. They were beautiful to each other and there was nothing to tell them otherwise. Until sin came along. Then they realized they were embarrassed. Mark Driscoll said one of my favourite lines about loving the beauty of ones spouse. He said “Don't cohabitate. Don't fornicate. Don't look at pornography. Don't create a standard of beauty. Have your spouse be your standard of beauty. This is one of the great devastating effects of pornography: you lust after people and compare your spouse to them. It's impossible to be satisfied in your marriage if you don't have a standard that is biblical; that standard is always your spouse.” Isn't that wonderful? Your standard of beauty is your own husband. Let him be comfortable with you and you with him.
Declare! That one's a little hard to do when the kids are sleeping in the room next door. Just joking...a little. Well this blog post is certainly a declaration of what I know in my 10 short years of marriage which I hope is just the tip of the iceberg.
Can you believe all of that is from 1 word! To know.
Well that was fun.
Goodnight!
***As a quick addendum I'd like to state that making love takes a while and although I enjoy it quite a lot more than raw sex, there is definitely a time for plain ol' sex. Like at the end of a very long day, eyelids drooping and neither of you will stay awake for more than 15 more minutes. ***
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