Over the course of motherhood, my kids have said things that have had a huge impact on me. There have been times when things my kids have said something that brought me to tears instantly like when our 3rd daughter died and Jenny praised the Lord for her life the very day she found out and then took her grandmothers to church with her so matter-of-factly. There have been times when I've asked one of my kids to pray for something simple like "The baby's diaper needs to be changed, we're in the car and I've been looking for one for 10 mins. Could you please ask God for a diaper." and one just happens to be on top of the pile next to me after she's done praying. My kids are some of the strongest people I know. It's funny. I'm supposed to be their role model. I'm supposed to teach them things of life but often I find the roles reversed.
Today I want to talk about my second daughter, Rainy. Rainy loves. She loves her Momma, she loves to help in the kitchen, she loves sitting next to the wood stove and she loves bugs. She's at that age where she's coming to a very pure understanding of God but also starting to try to wrestle with the difficult things of life. Jenny did the same at her age and now with Rainy I'm finding myself amazed at the things she comes up with; all on her own. She is truly an inspiring girl.
Rainy had been sleeping in this huge papasan chair next to her closet for weeks. It's big enough that she was sleeping comfortably but after a few weeks I asked her why she kept sleeping there, she was going to end up having a backache, only half expecting an answer. She told me it was because she was afraid of the closet. I couldn't believe my ears. Before I had the chance to answer, Jenny, in passing, piped up and said "yeah she's afraid of bugs too." WHAT! What shocking news. I couldn't even process that information. This is the girl that built a worm farm, that took a caterpillar on the mary-go-round until it oozed green goo out of it's eye balls, that keeps what ever bugs she can find in any type of container. After a moment of complete and utter shock Rainy explained why she was doing what she was doing. With the bugs and now with the bed. This is one of those moments that make you stop and think about who is teaching who.
Rainy said to me that if she was closer to the closet she wouldn't be afraid of it anymore. Rainy sleeps next to her fear. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief that my 7 year old would think of something so mature and profound to do. That will always stick with me.
Recently Rainy, had a sewing accident. As she was threading her needle her hand slipped and hit the needle down button and the needle came down on her thumb. Right through. Both ends protruding through her skin. It was the worst day of her life as well as one of mine. She and I cried all the way to CHEO. She wasn't just crying about the pain but she was questioning God. Why would God let this happen and why do I have to be so young going through such a terrible thing and Why couldn't God stop Satan. I told her because God doesn't want to make someone love him. She responded with Well he could have at least trained him not to be so mean. She kept telling me she wanted her Daddy. Funny how she had an instinctual need for her fathers. She wanted answers and comfort from both her father in heaven and here on earth. A mother has such a gift to provide comfort to her children when they need it most but deep down a girl just needs her daddy. She told me she felt like she was in a dream but it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. The one time I remember feeling that way was when my daughter died. That was the amount of emotional pain she was suffering.
How can a 7 year old possibly know how to ask questions like this? I can't say anymore on this because I am still blown away by it all but I needed to get it down in writing before I forgot these precious moments.
I am very proud and humbled at the same time to be the mother of 6 little girls who have all taught me something very profound in life in many many ways. What a humbling experience it is to be shown something about life through the life of a little one.
Jenny, Rainy, Pillar, Whisper and Charlie I am immensely proud of you. You do not see it all the time but you must always remember in the back of your mind that your mother couldn't be more proud of who you are, the girls you are and are becoming. I love you so very much.
Love Mommer
