I can't believe it's been 9 years. Almost a decade since loosing Ellie. It feels like a lifetime away. Like we were living in a completely different time all those years ago. I remember flashes of the day it happened but I can't feel it anymore. I don't remember the physical pain I felt in my body after loosing her but I remember the memory of the pain. It was as if a part of me broke. It was hard to breath at times. It was hard to even stand at times. Everywhere hurt.
The night she died God did a miraculous thing. Though I felt broken all over physically, my spirit started to revive. My desire for God grew. My desire for my husband and children grew. My need to share the gospel exploded out of me. I had never been so bold in my life, to be able to share the Lord with so many people without hesitation. Every person I met for quite some time after Ellie's death lead to a conversation about life. Ellie made me bold and courageous. She reset my soul on fire for the Lord and His gospel was being shared everywhere I went.
What a child! That she could touch so many people without even knowing. That she could bring people to know the Lord through her short life is a miracle to me.
I've been pondering these things for a little while now leading up to the anniversary of her death. Thinking about the wonderful things that came from the beauty of her life and I couldn't help but think about another baby. Another baby far more precious than mine. A baby who fulfilled the desire of the word to be saved from condemnation. A baby who left the heavenly places of perfection to be part of this world of sin to love on us, comfort us, laugh with us, cry with us. To walk with us and teach us. Those things in themselves are amazing but the best part is, he went to the cross without a word. The world yearned for someone to save them and so that's what he did. He bore the cross and the crown of thorns. He bore the brutal whippings on his back and the nails that were driven through his hands and feet. And finally with his last breaths he bore the sin of the whole world. The Earth itself shook with the pain of the Saviour and the sun ceased to shine in sadness. And we fell down and acknowledged he really was the son of God. The Saviour of all those drawn to him.
I am so proud of my daughter, Immanuelle Silk Willis (Ellie). Though she could not speak or walk or do anything for herself, she accomplished the great commission. She brought so many to the Lord or at least got them asking hard questions. I love her so much. I wish she was here with us. I wish I could see her beautiful face that is still clear in my mind. And see her smile smack open when she was overjoyed at the sight of her loved ones. I wish I could hear her cry again and hold her a little longer when she wanted me too. But she's on the better side now. She's fulfilled the purpose God set out for her and she did an amazing job.
This saying has always baffled me, as if we can have multiple hearts but there's no way else to describe that I love Ellie with all my heart. And in the words of 4 year old Jenny "thank you God, that she could live so long."
I pray that I would continue to be courageous the way I was when she left us all the way until the time I leave this world to be with the Lord. I pray her life would continue to do the work of the Lord and bring people closer to him. I pray for those who read this that your passion would be ignited this Christmas season and go out boldly making disciples of all nations. Remember the baby who saved us. He is far more precious than we can ever imagine.
Matthew 28:16-20
The Great Commission
16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
