Considering a field in Suburbia

Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks

I've been thinking about this verse all day and what it means to consider a field. I'm not sure it's too practical these days to go out and consider a field. But what is a field? I've been wondering what are the fields in my life. What are the things that I consider? I think that's really what this is about. It's not that she is purchasing a field, it's the considering part. It doesn't say "she sees a really great deal on a field and buys it because it's a good buy" it says she considers it. I have the problem of just umping into things thinking they will just work out and convincing my husband it's a good idea. A lot of times this just causes a lot of extra hassel and waisted money. Not enough consideration is done before I just jump into these great ideas of mine.

This is the heart of this part of the passage. Being smart and considering what is best. I'd like to share a personal example of how this verse has worked in my life. Just because she considers it and buys doesn't mean our results should always end in the buy. I started a little home business with my friend while we were in Oregon last year. I bought a lot of supplies, made a lot of product, spent time and money to be vendors at craft sales and hardly anything came of it. Most of my product is stuck in Oregon because we couldn't afford to bring it back to Canada since it would take up so much space. It wasn't a wise decision. I thought I would continue to work on the business while here in Ottawa. I'd try to squeeze in a couple of hours of work on the computer trying to market online every day and this poor little computer just didn't want to chug along. It ended in a lot of frustration and waiting. It would take all day just to load a acouple of items online and there was a constant heaviness in me because I was anxious. (probably had a lot to do with the poor internet connection). I'd call Dan at work and tell him how frustrated I was that I couldn't get this thing going. There was a lot of waisted time and finally Dan said to me "you need to take a break from this stuff right now. I am going to work and support us and you don't have to worry about it." Now to some, this might come off as a controlling husband who doesn't let their wife do the thing they are working so hard at. This is not it at all. I saw it very much as an act of love and he was trying to spare me from all this frustration and freed me from feeling bound to getting this thing going and successfull. Thinking about this verse I realized I didn't consider my field. I just went out and bought it. Then we get to the next part of the verse.

She sets about her work vigorously and her arms are strong for her task. This is how vigorous is defined: 1. full of or characterized by vigor: a vigorous effort. 2. strong; active; robust: a vigorous youngster. 3. energetic; forceful: vigorous steps; a vigorous personality. 4. powerful in action or effect: vigorous law enforcement. 5. growing well, as a plant. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vigorous . None of those words discribe how I went about my work on the website. I went about my work in frustration and anxiety. So not only did I not consider my field, I also didn't have vigor. I also didn't know what I was doing which contributed to the frustration. My hands were not strong for my task.

So our Proverbs 31 lady considered the thing she was about to endeavor on, she worked vigorously-did a great job-and knew exactly what she was doing. Her hands were strong for her task. She knew how to farm a field.

So, I still don't spend any time on the website I wasted hours on. But I believe that was, is and will continue to be a wise choice not to. The thing that I have considered is this blog; is preparing school for the girls and making sure I impress God's word on their hearts, talking about it when we walk along the road and when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed (Deut 6:7); is studying scripture and sharing with friends I meet who's marriages hurt. These are the things I have considered. These are the things that I have vigor for. These are the things that I am strong in...or at least getting stronger at.

So what is your field? And are you doing it begrudgingly or because you have vigor for it? And are you good at it? Are you working hard at it? These are the things that need to be kept in the heart all the time. Is what you are doing really coming from God because I have a feeling, if you don't feel motivated to do it, if you aren't good at it, it you are full of anxiety about it, you may not have prayerfully considered it. Let Him live in you. There is something for you to consider, whether big or small, He has something for you to do. I hope you find it and make God the center of everything you do. I can't do anything good without him. There is no good without him.

Getting started in the morning

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.

It has been a while since I've written. I've been in kind of a slump lately. 7 months pregnant sure doesn't inspire me to get up while "it is yet night"...neither do these dark winter mornings. This morning, though, I had the pleasure of waking up at 530am to see my husband off. He'd out of town for a few days and it just so happens that we awoke to the first snowfall of the year. I went back to bed!

So clearly I am not living out this part of the verse and so I want to dive into this and figure out what it means. I can tell you that I have gone back and forth through phases of waking up early and sleeping in and I KNOW that when I wake up early my day is ALWAYS better so why is it that I give in to the "sleep monster"? Isn't it funny? Paul says in Romans 7 I do not do what I want but I do the very thing that I hate. I don't think sleeping in is the thing that I hate (or sin) but I do think the outcome of it has proven to be. Maybe that's why I've been in a bit of a slump lately...because I have become lazing in getting the day started. I wake up at 630 with Pillar every morning but lay in bed, her crawling all over me, hauling teddies, stories and blankets into the cramped little space I have and all, but I don't usually force myself out of bed until 7 or 730. Does that extra 30 mins of non sleep really do anything benificial? I don't think so.

So, speaking from experience, when I have gotten up before the babies ever did to do devotions, pray, meditate etc, my attitude is so much more possitive than when I sleep in. So here are my options: Lay in bed for an extra 30 mins of completly disturbed sleep hoping I will have slept a total of 1 min more, or get out of bed, spend time with my Lord and soak in his word. Hmmmm sounds like a no brainer to me. Now like I said, I don't think the sleeping in part is the bad part (for me anyway) but my attitude becomes poor, my frustration level grows, and the day just doesn't start well. So here I am, just like Paul saying "I don't do the thing I want to do (have a good attitiude) and I do the thing that I hate" (have a bad attitude). So for me, turns out sleeping in isn't a good thing, And it took me this blog to realize it because without writing it down, I would have just slept in tomorrow morning :)

I do want to talk specifically about the food part (I think you know by now this is pretty much my favourite earthly thing). I know many people don't take this passage litterally and it is quite impossible to do these days anyway and the reader from the previous post commented that we can't live every detail of this passage litterally otherwise we will burn ourselves out, but finding out what it really means to you to wake up while it is still night and prepare food for your household is really important too. So does that mean sleeping in like me is good for you (it isn't for me) or taking the kids to McDonalds for breakfast every morning, if that's the way this verse is true for you, let it be so then, but I would like to share with you from my perspective; how I make (or try) to make it work. Our schedule has been a little off lately since I have had a job every morning that goes from 730-830 so our days have just started a little later so this part of the passage hasn't really worked out for me lately but I keep a great memory of my mom with me when I think about this part. We have been living with my parents for the last couple of months waiting to see if God would take us back to Oregon for missions work (where we left from last year) but he's told us to stay so in that waiting time we've been crashing my parent's. Now I can tell you from the time being here lately as well as when we were little, one of the best feelings is to wake up to freshly baked croissants or muffins. HOT muffins! What a treat. How special it feels to be a daughter who gets to wake up after doddling around getting ready, to a nice hot aroma that fills the house. Up the stairs I come and the smell just gets better and better and there's my mom, still in her pj's making the family breakfast. For no other reason except for the fact that she wants to serve us. Now this lady is a busy lady; it doesn't happen often that she bakes in the morning but when she does, man is it special! I am her daughter; I was part of her household and to some degree, am right now, which means in that moment, she is this woman, waking early to provide food for her family, and as her daughter I feel so special to be treated to such a lovely morning. You know, later on in the passage, it says "Her children rise up and call her blessed". In this moment of gratitude, I call my mother blessed! And I hope my children either see me that way now or will when they grow older. I want to be able to bless my children in that way to. The morning is not just a time for me to decide on my own attidude but for me to decide on my kids attitude as well. This is the question I must ask myself: Will I wake up and have a poor attitude and spread that to the family, or will I bite the bullet and wake up early, refreshed and ready to start my day and treat my family to something really special, whether that be breakfast or something else.

As the mom, I have the power to control everybody's attitude throughout the day; mine, my kids, and my husband. So what will be my choice, a poor attitude or a good one? The good one always comes from God. When I start my day with Him, he is there all day long supporting me and encouraging me but the second I put something before him and say "devotions can wait" or "I'll do it later" things go down hill.

I think I could go on and on but for now I will stop. I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderfully blessed week!

Happy mornings :)

Response to a Fellow Reader :)

Barbara,

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I have no idea how you came across it as only a handful of people read each time I post. I don't know if you have read any of my other posts but if you haven't, I started with the first or second post saying, this blog is entirely intended for my personal study and if others happen to stumble upon it, that's awesome but it is not in any way intended to preach, lecture, or say my opinion is the only way. It literally is a place for me to study and write. I would like to give you a bit of a background on many of the readers (that I know about :) Many of them are home school mom's who stay at home and may or may not have a business on the side. I can not speak to the working women of society of today because I am not one of them but what I can do is encourage the circle of people I know by writing about how God has worked in our lives.

So, to the other readers; I want you all to know that I wouldn't write about something that I am not passionate about. I absolutely love staying home all day long with my kids. I love spending time in my kitchen preparing delicious meals :) If you are not a stay at home mom and feel threatened by the content here, I would encourage you to find a woman in your life or a blog or something that you can pull encouragement from. This blog is only intended to uphold you as a woman and not tear you down. If you feel you are not encouraged by this blog, I really do want you to find something you will be encouraged by. Many of you have told me that you take encouragement from what I am writing about through my study in scripture and I thank God for that. I know God works in so many different ways so if I can touch only mom's who stay at home, great! and God has blessed someone else to reach out to those who are working mom's and wives and that's so great too. I love 1 Corinthians 12! It talks about different parts of the body but that we are all the same body. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

Thank you to the working mom who can minister to the working mom. Thank you to the ex drug addict that can minister to the drug addict, thank you to the women living in poverty that can encourage those also living in poverty. I hope you see what I mean. I don't have all the answers but God has revealed His living Word to me as a wife and mom at home.

The last thing I want to touch on briefly is I can't wait to get to the last verse in this passage. I'm sure it will take me forever to get there but this verse is what I strive for as a wife. It is always on my mind. "Her works are praised at the city gates." It's talking about how honored she is by her husband. He is so proud of her. He adores her. This isn't about being old fashioned and chauvinistic. It is all about how much my husband loves me and sharing what I know to make that happened. I want to show other women that this is possible. 1 year ago, I wrote my husband a letter saying "I want to be called your queen. I want you to be able to call me your queen. I want to be like Esther and you have so much confidence in the things I may say, that you can trust every word I say to you". That was not true then. It broke my heart that I was not his queen and for good reason too. I was not living as I should have been as a wife. More and more, each day, I become more his queen. I still and always will have work to do but my goal is to please and honor the Lord in my role as a wife and mother. And by doing so, I will be praised at the city gates :) I love my husband dearly. I can't imagine life without this man God has given me and I want to do everything I can to make him happy. He does the same for me. It is not a one way street.

Thanks for reading guys . I am so happy if you get something good out of this. Truly I am. I love sharing with you.

Pampers, disposable, or both? Am I working with willing hands?

Proverbs 31:13-14 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant and brings her food from afar.

Look at that word "seeks" in the fist sentence. She seeks wool and flax, which means it's probably not easy to come by. She may have to make/ grow it, or find it from someone who has. What do you do with wool? You spin it into yarn and knit or sew with it. And we'll learn later in this passage that she clothes her family in fine garments of scarlet, and makes bed coverings for her family, and supplies the merchants with scarves to sell. She does all of this from scratch. I can't imagine not being able to go to the fabric store to buy the amount of whatever I want. These days have made it pretty easy for us wives to select wool. But imagine having to do it all from the very beginning.

Last night I made a clothe diaper. It wasn't just any cloth diaper, it was a Pampers cloth prototype. I am quite pleased with it. I was inspired because I love disposable diapers. They are fast, easy and they keep moisture in for a looonnnngggg time. You won't even know your baby is wet for the fist good long while (is this good? I don't think so. Pampers has made life of a mom and dad easy by being super absorbent) So, we got some free cloth diapers that we've been using for the last few days and they are big, messy, time consuming, uncomfortable, and the list goes on and on. Dan and I agreed that if we went to cloth diapers that it would be solely my department as he wants nothing to do with them haha. But then I look at this passage and realize, hey, this is me finding the good wool. I feel like I'm not giving in to the "easy" way (which I have been doing for the last 7 years) and really trying to figure out how this thing works. It takes about 1hr to make 1 diaper. That's a really long time, but it is so satisfying. I think about how long it would have taken Mrs Proverbs 31 to make garments and scarves and bed coverings (as examples) if she had to go out, find the wool, spin it, sew with it, and then finally it is done. It's a crazy long process.

As for the flax, it's the same story. I think this passage is saying she makes good homemade food :) I love to cook. I love cooking from scratch and the day I have to put something out of a package and warm up in the oven I feel so unsatisfied and a little guilty. This doesn't happen often as the kitchen is where I love to be. The girls do school in the kitchen so I can cook all day so the likeliness of me pulling something out of a box is slim. But to go even further, she grounds up her own flax; flour too I'm sure. I know someone who does this is it is so gratifying to go from start to finish all with your own hands and maybe that's the trick here. Maybe homemade food takes a long time, sometimes all day :) but it is so much nicer to know what you have accomplished.

"She is like the ships of the merchants, and brings her food from afar". I'm not going to get into the logistics of what that could possibly mean; does she go to the ocean coast waiting for fresh new food? does she travel to the farmers all around town? I think it means that she takes time and care into what food she is going to set before her family. They are so precious to her and she wants the best for them. She could very well go to the local discount bin and pick up almost rotten tomatoes and use them right away so they don't go bad (I am guilty of this) or she could take time, selecting the right fruits and veggies. She doesn't want just any old tomato, she wants the ones that would be perfect for the dish she is cooking. The fact that she takes the time to GO and find the foods she needs is pretty cool. Now we have stores on every corner everywhere, again it makes it hard for us to go directly to the merchant ships but maybe think about planting a garden in the next spring. I have big plans, not to have to buy any produce using the gardens I am going to plant. I am so excited about this. Just another thing to accomplish from start to finish.

I know not everyone has the time to be in the kitchen all day, but it is a really satisfying thing to fall in love with cooking and making delicious meals. If you are an M&M's type person, (don't get me wrong, their food is wonderful) but try home cooking. If your kids are picky, start with something you know they will like. The feeling is the opposite when you put so much time into a meal just to have someone say "yuk". My kids are great, even if I can tell dinner was a bomb and I know it doesn't taste good, they'll tell me it's great and eat it all up but I know not all kids have learned that trick haha so start with something they will like and boost your confidence in home cooking.

I'm working out some kinks in my life right now. I try to rely on God's word to live like a Christian would live and I have been feeling so blessed and comforted by his word so much lately...except in one area of my life and Dan is not scared to tell me that I have some bitterness in my heart that needs to come out. It's really just regarding 1 thing in my life but for some reason I have been able to let go of anger and bitterness for every other thing under the sun except this one thing. I am so thankful I have a husband who is willing to tell me truthfully and slightly harshly :) that this is something that needs to go now. I told him he was lucky to have a wife who would thank him for such a rebuke. And I am truly thankful that he would tell me when he sees something that I may not.

So this blog is just my thoughts and study tonight on bitterness and how to extract that right out of my life :D

Job 3: Job is bitter at this point. He isn't bitter until this time and then he says "it would have been better if I had not been born." and "why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter in soul who long for death but it never comes?"

Job in general is quite bitter for a good portion of the book until Elihu whacks him and the other guys on the head with the wisdom of God. I think Dan was my Elihu today; "Never mind justifying your bitterness, you're MY wife and you won't hold onto this any more."

Many times Bitter is used is referring to "weeping bitter tears". Almost half the time. It's as if weeping bitterly is a good thing but I don't think that's quite what I'm doing.

Acts 8:14-24. Peter asks the holy spirit to come upon the new believers and the man Simon, offered money to have the ability to do the same. Peter said something like this "you poor soul, you think you can buy the holy spirit. your heart is not right with God and you will have no part if you keep it up. Repent. I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity." I don't want to live in the gall of bitterness; look how it's sounding for Simon. Peter says he will have no part unless he stops and asks to be forgiven.

Eph 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you^(BI) speak the truth with his neighbor, for^(BJ) we are members one of another. ^26(BK) Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and^(BL) give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸Let the thief no longer steal, but rather^(BM) let him labor,^(BN) doing honest work with his own hands, so^(BO)that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ^29(BP) Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give^(BQ) grace to those who hear. ³⁰And^(BR) do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,^(BS) by whom you were sealed for the day of^(BT) redemption. ^31(BU) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ^32(BV) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,^(BW) forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Who knows this to be true? I DO! Do I do it? no. I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I do want to do. The word says it right there...DON'T BE BITTER AMY. So why do I continue living in it? Do I not know that I have been baptized into Christ which means I have been baptized into his death and was raised therefore, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so that I too, might walk in newness of life??? (Romans 6:1) I know all of this but my question still is, why do I keep doing it? I think we could all ask that question. We know what we are doing is wrong when we are doing it so why is it so hard? Because the way to salvation is hard! it's not the big fat and wide road that's heavily trod on. It's the tiny, skinny, measly trail that you can barely squeeze yourself through on.

So my conclusion for tonight is the exact same thing I tell my kids. I choose to make the decision to sin. I have the power of Christ in me not too. Choose the right thing.

I just have to write this down. Dan just got home and this is what he said. "Ephesians 4 is what you have to read." All I have to say is thank you Jesus for showing me what to read tonight. I had already studied that before he said anything.

Living out the Word

I am in the middle of writing a post, still, about the first line about the proverbs 31 woman. I have been contemplating what it means to be worth more than the most precious jewels and every day I think I'm going to finish it but I don't. I want to talk about Esther so I've been reading the book the last couple of days but with everything else, it's hard to squeeze everything in. I will finish the book tonight and post it hopefully tomorrow.

As for the other half of it...It's not just that I haven't managed to collect my thoughts and write them down; it's also because for the last week I've been feeling kind of lost. I don't live in my own home with my family so I find the things I know I should and want to be doing for my family become a little more complicated and stress levels are extremely high living with so many different types of people. I have a hard time living up to expectations that have been set out for me and continue to fail (not on the part of my husband or children) I have been trying to rip this sin of being angry and frustrated out of my life and it's working. Dan looked at me the other day and said "Get this out of you...it's not who you are so stop it". So I did :) Things have been better and I look forward to the day we have our own place. There have also been a lot of challenging discussions over the last week that Dan has helped me work through. Ideas of the Gospel needing to be spread in a very low key level and not actually sharing the gospel and instead "showing" the gospel. I don't agree with this. I believe Jesus was never subtle in his teachings and when something went wrong, he told them about it. I wouldn't rebuke anyone (maybe my kids) but as for teaching, I know I'm not supposed to beat around the bush which is what many people like to do...it's safe. Christianity isn't safe. It's supposed to be hard. We're supposed to be persecuted. I know that people wont listen to good things sometimes but that shouldn't stop us from sharing. There isn't a time in Jesus' ministry where he kept quite about his Father when speaking to people. He was always talking about it. Why are we so scared to do that today? Why is it good enough that we ONLY show people Christ through our actions? No! Paul said "by faith alone" James says "Faith with out works is dead" so it's not one or the other. You can't just choose the nice sounding one because it makes void the second. and vice verse. You can't just do good things and not truly believe. Scripture never contradicts itself. So how do those go together? When you truly believe, there is something that happens inside of you...YOU DIE!

Romans 6:1 says "Shall we continue to sin so that Grace may abound? BY NO MEANS!!!! How can we who have died to the flesh continue living in it? don't you know that we who have been baptized have been baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him and Just as Christ was risen from the dead by the Glory of the Father, we too shall walk in a newness of life."

It's fairly clear what Paul says. He says, we have no means to sin. When we sin as Christians, it is a falter of our flesh but WE have no means to sin. It's dead. So there is a conversion of heart. When you are baptized into Christ, you know something new (if you truly believe) and your action will just show it. Automatically...if you are constantly reading and learning. It's not good enough to say "I'm a Christian" and do what "feels" like a good Christian would act like. You need to KNOW how a Christian should act and the only way to do that is to get into the word. Jesus IS the word. So why wouldn't we want to spend all our time in it. If he's the person we are trying to become like, then we should be saturating ourselves in him always. Memorizing scripture, reading the bible at any free moment, challenging your own life and making sure you're doing the things you are being asked to do. That all Christians are asked to do. It's such a revelation when you fall in love with the word. No wonder...it's falling in love with Christ.

Anyway, I'm sure I said some things that people won't agree with or perhaps I worded wrong and maybe that's why certain people have labeled me a certain way but I'm speaking from my heart. The things that I am passionate about, I will write here. And this is definitely the biggest one.

An excellent wife

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife, who can find? She is worth far more than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.

I just want to take this little bit at a time. That way the words will really sink in. So when ever I read something from the bible during a study, I ask myself "What does this really mean." So what does it mean to be worth more than jewels? Well, clearly jewels are very valuable but lets see how valuable they are back then. The bible seems to mention the word Jewels 15 times. I looked at all these verses and these are the ideas that came from most of them:

-honor the lord with your wealth

-Jewels are compared with wisdom in the Proverbs a couple of times

-proverbs 3:13-18 is that mother talking again to her son, telling him about wisdom being "her" and jewels could never compare

-Song of Solomon talks about physical beauty of a woman in relation to jewels and at times about the passion he has for his wife; He speaks passionately about the jewels which adorn her (now, she is not actually wearing anything at all...he's talking about her pure beauty to him)

-Zachariah compares the Lords people to jewels.

-Then we come to the negative verses about jewels fading away, a symbol of sexual immorality in revelation, they will one day be worth nothing at all.

So there are two very different sides to the passages on Jewels. One is talking comparing us to jewels and the other talking about jewels will parish but we will not. So clearly, when comparing a wife to jewels, it's pretty big. She's pretty important and cherished. And because of this, her husband loves her so much. The heart of her husband trusts her.

I think of the story of Ester a lot when I think about the relationship between a husband and wife. Xerxes or King Ahasuerus made his first wife Vashti, leave because she made him look like a fool in front of pretty well the kingdom. So the King was in search for another queen. Esther happened to make the cut but not just because of her beauty; because she strove to please the king. It says, the women adorned themselves in all the kings jewels as they could keep what they took but Esther, she wore what Hegai, the eunuch in charge of the ladies, suggested what the king would like in Esther 2. Esther, not even his wife yet, submitted herself and adorned herself to what would please her future husband. So that's before she's married to him. Now to the good juicy part of the story:

So Haman convinces the King that the Jews need to be slaughtered all over the land and it is pretty much up to Esther to stop this massacre from happening. It is really a perfect example of submission. Submission isn't having a man rule over you as a wife. It doesn't mean you have no authority as a wife. It doesn't mean you have to be kept silent in your home because what ever the husband says goes. This is so often the misconception, that women become voiceless when people hear that word SUBMIT!!!! It's not that at all. Read Esther if you don't know the story. Does she keep silent? By no means! She actually bursts into the royal place where the King and other men of authority in the country were meeting. Her act of submission was that, she knew she had the heart of her King. She knew that "...and husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church" was true (even though they didn't have that particular scripture back then but what is true of God in the beginning is true now and will continue to be as well) She knew her husband loved her like crazy. She also knew that he would listen to what she had to say because why would a wife say something if she didn't really mean it?

I used to argue with Dan about everything. All the little details of the day; like many women, if things didn't go in the way I had expected them to, then I would say a little quip or make a fuss or change my attitude into something negative, setting the mood for the whole family. I decided one day after reading a chapter in "Created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl", to only say things that I really wanted to deal with. To this day the only time I will bring something "confrontational" up is when I really feel like it needs to be addressed. I'm not going to bring up petty things that won't bring glory to God or honor to my husband anymore because I know what it does. It creates unnecessary conflict for the sake of me being right. Now he know; Amy must mean what she's saying because she only says things that are truly important. So I think in some cases when it might sound petty, he asks himself "why is she saying that if she doesn't just always spew what's on her mind". I know I can trust my husband will listen to my requests because I'm not flippant with what I ask him. He loves me all the more because of it because there are no arguments any more.

This is what Esther was doing. He husband had so much confidence in her and trust in what she was saying that he could say to himself "she's not just bursting into this meeting for no good reason. There must be a good reason for this outburst and because she was bold enough to do that" he says "I will give you anything my queen, to you and half the kingdom."

She is more precious than jewels.

Wow, all that for 2 lines of scripture! What a rant. But it was great to write about.

Why do I Homeschool?

Since being back from Oregon I think about 1000 people have asked my "why do you homeschool?". It's a hard question to answer to people because no matter what I say, I feel like the recipient is gong to feel like I am making a judgment on how they do school for their kids. I want to share our reasons but not in a way that will put up barriers so often I don't say much about the topic. I love having this blog because I'm not really talking to anyone in particular. I can just share the reasons without the fear of offending someone else' parenting tactics.

"Do you homeschool because you're on the road so much?" "You don't plan to homeschool during all of their schooling do you?" "what's wrong with the public school system?" "Don't you need to be accredited to teach your kids school?" "How do you do it? I couldn't spend all day every day with my kids" (That is actually something I would have said a year and a half ago so if anyone reading feels that, I get it) "How are your kids going to learn how to socialize?

These are just a few of the questions I have received and continue to receive often. I think it's one of the reasons why I miss Oregon so much because it's so accepted and I don't feel interpreted when it comes to the girls education. So the reason is this: Dan and I have accepted all responsibility for the teaching of our children. If it is something extra curricular that we do not have the ability to teach, we are right along side them, learning with them. The bible tells us as parents to raise up our children so that they may not turn away from the faith (Proverbs 22:6). Also, I have a verse from Deuteronomy 6:4. Now I know we are not bound to the laws in the old testament but I do believe that the promises God makes are true yesterday, today and tomorrow, so just because we don't have to follow the laws, doesn't mean that the teaching along side them are null and void.

⁴"Hear, O Israel:^(E) The LORD our God, the LORD is one.^{[b] 5}You^(F) shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶And^(G) these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ^7(H) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ^8(I) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ^9(J) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

This is so beautiful. Imagine plastering your whole house with sticky notes so that you might teach your children diligently and teach them so they will never walk away from God. These are the things we are trying to do by homeschooling. In every single subject I can teach them about the Lord, whether it's math, English, Geography or anything else. Dan also leads us in bible study and worship every morning. Our day is saturated in the Lord and it is beautiful. I can see the hearts of my girls transforming as they come to know Christ in a deeper way, understanding more and more of his word.

I can't even tell you how much joy I have experience in teaching my girls all of their schooling. It's only been 3 weeks since the start of this school year for them and already I am amazing as to how they are learning and how well they are learning. We also get to bake cookies in the afternoons when ever we want haha.

As far are the socializing of it, if any of you know Jenny, you know that she is a magnet and a good one too. She tries her best to set a good example for the other children because of her learning and because she is learning how to use this gift of leadership that God has blessed her with. Bullies tend to have the same personality but use it to the opposite effect. She's amazing. MeghanRain is perfectly happy following Jenny around hanging out with the smaller kids who might be following along.

I am so happy. There are definitely moments of frustration and that's when meditating on scripture all day comes in handy :) It has been and continues to be such a blessing to have the girls home all day.

Not much to say about Mrs Robinson Today

I am looking over chapter 5 and I almost skipped it because 1) the whole chapter is about Fritz and Father going back to the boat so there is hardly any more mention of life on the shore and 2) because this blog is meant for me (and women) to break down what it means to be a Godly wife and although her lines were rather short in this Chapter, her role was just as important as the men going back to the wreck.

Just as I was about to flip the page to the next chapter, I realized, wow this man is so in love with his bride! It is really quite special. But this is not all on his doing. Yes he could love her unconditionally, but would he be so completely in love if she wasn't the way she was? She is nervous to be left on the island all day and night but doesn't show it. She supports him by her joyful attitude. I know I used to be like many other woman who did not support my husband with a joyful attitude. There would be negative comments and argument to have things done "right" but now I know, it it so much more important to give my husband the opportunity to lead my family whether I think he's doing it the fast way or not. Either way, it's either going to get done, or he'll realize he had not such a great idea...That doesn't take away from the respect men want in any way.

Did you know, a survey was done for men and then for women and the question was "what do you want most from your spouse?" This was a secular study. (I'm sorry I don't have the reference, I looked for it but couldn't find it. So take this as a grain a grain of salt if you wish.) Guess what the women wanted most from their husband. Love. Guess what husbands wanted. Respect. So if this is the thing that men need to strive as husbands (whether they know it or not, I think as soon as they get it or see they don't have it, they realize it.) And this is just me as a wife talking but I know my husband well, not to say I know all men well, but this is something we talk about as a couple often. It was a different story when I didn't show my husband any respect. If we were the Swiss family Robinson in that state of marriage, it would have been Hell on earth. What if Mrs Robinson had said to her husband "You can go back to that wreck if you want but I'm not happy about it. It's foolish, you are putting your family in danger and it's not fair". It could very well have gone that way, but it didn't. Instead she said to him "Yes you must go. I will take care of things here, don't even worry about it. I love you husband so much." Picture the attitude both of them would have had after each one of those sceanario. I prefur the second. If you prefer the first, you probably like living in the comfort of your flesh. Christ tells us, mostly through Paul, to get rid of that fleshly desire. How can we go on living in sin if we have died to it? There is no way! Romans 6:2ish I strive everyday, every moment actually to know when I am giving into fleshly desires. It's transforming!

Training a Monkey

Back to The Swiss Family Robinson.

At this point in the book, Fritz and his father are walking home from their journey on the island and they discover a group of apes only because their dog Turk has rushed forth and driven by hunger was tearing one apart leaving it's little baby to fend for itself. Well, as soon as it sees Fritz, it jumps on him and won't let go. It is now adopted. This chapter, I think, is a little bit about how Fritz gets a taste for raising a young child.

When Fritz asks his father if he can keep the baby ape this was his reponse: pg 31 "Well, let the little orphan be yours, you bravely and kindly exerted yourself to save the mothers life. Now you must train her child carefully, for unless you do so, it's natural instinct will prove mischievous instead of useful."

I love this part. Eventually the dog comes back from eating the apes mother, and the little ape is uneasy when Turk is close by. Fritz then has this amazing Fatherly instinct to train this little one not to be afraid of the dog, so what does he do? He ties the monkey to the dogs back with some rope, fastens the rope like a leash and hands it to the ape to overcome it's fear of the dog. Now the dog must listen to the one who's mother he just killed. Isn't this something. Fritz being the father of the monkey now, realized the two of them are going to have to get along so what does he do? Forces them to unit in the most radical way. The monkey and the dog were trained within 10 mins of having to be attached to one another and now were in no need of being fastened to each other. They were now companions. This boy himself has been trained well by his father. To know "Well, if they won't get along, we will have to teach them how and then all will be fine" is pretty cool, instead of just letting them hate each other for who knows how long.

Introduction to the Proverbs 31 woman.

Alright, so from verse 2-9 are words of Solomon's mother regarding how he should be leading his people. Not drinking wine, looking after the poor etc. Any good motherly advice. What a good mom. So, all of those important topics got about one verse each and then comes verses 10-31. They are all about the woman he should be looking for and expecting to have. That's a lot of verses and that also leaves us women working really hard to live up to the kings expectation of a wife but why wouldn't we want to be good enough for a king? I wouldn't want to strive to be any less than that. No my husband is not the ruler of the country but I certainly see him as a king in my life; he adores me the way Solomon speaks of this woman. Toward the end of the passage, it says this about her husband: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "many woman have done excellently, but you surpass them all."" I may not live 100% to the verses in scripture about being a Godly wife but I certainly strive to and because of this MY husband calls me blessed and lifts me up like a queen.

I am really good at ranting. I think once I get into the memorizing part I will be a little more organized. For now, I like talking all over the place so I hope you readers don't mind.

So the question is: will you settle to not be good enough for a king? If so, there is no need to look at proverbs 31, if you are worth being married to a king (even if you don't think you have one) do these things and you will be called blessed.

Proverbs 31 study- Who is Lemuel?

Last night I watched the first half of the movie called Limitless. It was very interesting. I had to go to bed as I was waited from the busy day but I've been thinking about it tonight. Apparently we only use 20% of our brains as humans. In this movie, there is a pill, a very expensive pill which allows you to use all 100% of the brain. So this man starts taking these pills every day and pretty much becomes the smartest man in the world, investing money and quintupling it every day becoming more and more rich. He is able to learn and be fluent in new languages in days along with playing the most difficult sonatas on the piano. All of a sudden he sees the world in a different view because he knows it all. What if we did this with scripture? What if we knew it all? How do you think Christians would be and act like if we had the whole scripture memorized? I am not proposing that we memorize the whole bible together but over the last 2 weeks I have dedicated my free time to memorizing scripture. I have only 2 new verses memorized but do you want to know how many times I thought about them this week? Only all day every day, constantly meditating on the words He gives us. Do you want to know how many conversations they came into? All of them (not all of them were verbalized). This was a complete revelation to me. A few months ago I started memorizing James. I can't believe I still remember what I learned and how it is constantly applied in my life. The Bible tells us to live by the word and that's exactly what I plan to (try to) do. I am starting with my favorite. Proverbs 31. I want to encourage you to imagine what it would be like to know what the whole thing says, know where everything is, imagine what conversations would look like if you could encourage people with scripture instead of "I know it says somewhere in the bible...". Now don't just imagine it; fall in love with it and know it!

I have gone through Proverbs 31 many times over the last year, and when I feel myself lacking as a wife and mother, I go here to regain the strength I need to keep the day going smoothly (Along with many other places in scripture.) I am not going to start half way through as most studies do but I want to know the precursor to "the wife of noble character".

WHO IS KING LEMUEL? Verse 1 says this: The words of King Lemuel. An Oracle that his mother taught him:

I wanted to start this study with the background of this king. Now I don't know for certain but I have done a little research and I believe this is Solomon. First of all, King Solomon wrote the proverbs. Second of all, the ancient Rabbinical commentators identified Lemuel with Solomon. So from here on out, I will imagine this proverb to have been written by Solomon given to him by his Mother. Besides who this king is, this has been given to him by him mother. Doesn't that seem strange? Well, he doesn't have a wife yet, clearly since she's telling him how to know a good woman when he sees one. Now if this is Solomon, then this is Bathsheba; the woman bathing on the roof that David wants and takes. Now, Bathsheba sleeps with David while married to Uriah, making her an adulterer. Eventually David kills Uriah and at this point Bathsheba is his wife. Maybe she knows all these great things because she wasn't one. I don't know that though, so I will have to do a little more research. So for now, we'll call it a night. Interesting how things get connected when you go back to try to figure them out. I encourage you to do your own research. Any questions that might pop up, write them down and then answer them. Discover it for yourself.

Swiss Family

So, we just finished chapter 7 last night and it was sooo good. I can't wait to review it. I was tempted to skip ahead and forget about the in between chapters but there's so much good stuff in the rest of it. So for those of you who haven't read the book or think you might in the future, if you don't want to know the story, don't read this section of the blog. I think I will do the book in the mornings before I start my day, study a scripture passage during the day and then write about that at night.

Okay, I am going to jump to Chapter 3: We explore our island. This is the chapter that really started speaking to me. Right now, we are 4 months back from Oregon and missing it very much. We were surrounded by many families with kids our kids ages and the values and teachings of theses families was just what we were looking for...very biblical. It was amazing to watch our girls grow into obedient, respectful little girls in the course of 1 year. Now that we are back in Ottawa, we feel like we are in a bit of a limbo; a desert island in the city per say. At the moment, it seems our support, needs to come right from each other through the Lord because we are not very understood here. It's been a very difficult season but have grown closer together as a family because of it.

Alright, so in the middle of the chapter, the father and the oldest boy fritz go off on an adventure to try to find their shipmates leaving the rest of their family on the beach as they believe it is safer there for them. Pg 26. Fritz and father climb a hill to get a better look on the island. Surely from this spot they would be able to see a great deal of the landscape. When they arrive at the top of the summit, they see miles of island and no trace of a human being. This is what Father says "Cheer up Fritz lad. Remember that we chose a settlers life long ago, before we left our dear country. We certainly did not expect to be so entirely alone-but what matters a few people more or less? With God's help, let us endeavor to live here contently, thankful that we were not cast upon some bare and inhospitable island."

Wow, this feels like our life right now. We set off choosing a missionary life a year ago, and that is what we will continue to do. With His help, we will endeavor to live where ever we are contently and thankful that we live in a place free for us to do ministry. For those interested, we will not be returning to Oregon this year. Instead, we will be starting a ministry here in the area, buying a home equipped to hold many community events. Please pray for us in this, and continue to pray that God's will, will one day be for us to be back in Oregon.

A MUST READ WITH THE FAMILY

The Swiss Family Robinson; Shipwrecked and alone.

Our family reads a chapter or two of a classic novel every night. We are in The Swiss Family Robinson right now. I was told it was an excellent book, a classic, and it was all about adventure and a family bonding together after being shipwrecked on a desert island. It sounded exciting and something we would all enjoy listening to. It was so much more than I thought it would be.

The first couple of nights started with just me reading as Dan was out but he has been with us for the last few chapters and says we can't go on without him because he's enjoyed it so much too. Now at every spare opportunity we squeeze in a chapter.

What I was expecting was a thrilling adventure but what I found was a story laced with deep theology given by the Godly father, leading his family just as the word lays out for fathers to do. What an amazing testimony and example to read about. It has been an encouragement to me as we are changing seasons in our lives and feeling a little like we are on an island ourselves.

Chapter 1: Shipwrecked and alone

The book starts right away with the Swiss family Robinson lifting their final prayers up to God and encouragement to the 4 sons as today may be their last day on earth and they may very well soon meet their maker. Here's the father saying "Take courage my boys," and "The Lord will hear our prayers", and "if the Lord wills, He will rescue us". And as the last of the seamates jump overboard into the last tiny life boat, it seemed all hope was lost. Abandoned.

Here's where God shows up (not that he hasn't already been there) but the rain stops, and the mist falls away, and low and behold, they are wrecked only a little way from an island.

Now check out this Help Meet of a wife; Pg 3 "My wife, however, perceived my distress and anxiety, in spite of my forced composure, and I made her comprehend our real situation, greatly fearing the effect of the intelligence on her nerves. Not for a moment did her courage and trust in providence forsake her, and on seeing this my fortitude revived."

What an amazing wife. Even though she knew her husband knew something they all weren't supposed to know she supported him and kept him strong by allowing him to take on the burden of figuring out this dilemma.

I could go on and on just about chapter 1 alone. The boys and the father end up building some kind of boat using casks so they can make their way to the island, but I must end for now. Tomorrow I shall tell you about chapter two; A Desolate Island.

Hold Fast to Me

Ephesians 5:31

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

There are so many verses that I want to share with any woman who would like to read this blog but when I was searching the verses about wives to come up with a title for this blog, this statement stood out for sure. Stand fast to me. Don't let go of me husband! This is an amazing picture to me. It reminds me of the end of Proverbs 31 when she is praised at the city gates. I will talk about that over the next many posts but I have been blessed to have a man who has held fast to me. I am loved by my husband and I want to show others what it means to do your utmost best to become the model of a wife and mother laid out for us in scripture.

Over the course of this blog, I am going to look at passages to do with wives and blog about them. There are many verses that seem controversial today with how society sees woman, regarding equality and submission but I want to clear up the misconception about those. If not for you, for me, to study even more into scripture and become a more Godly wife for my husband to hold fast to and love deeply.

If you have a desire to allow Christ to transform your marriage to something you never thought it could be, please read along with me. Post comments, ask questions. I am not an older woman, but I do believe God has given me some wisdom in this area to share with other woman struggling and to encourage those who are not. My marriage almost ended in divorce several times over the first 4 years of it. Now I can say that that is an impossible statement in my life now with my husband. We have found a love for each other that we didn't even know was possible to have for another person. He is my man and I love him dearly.