I'm working out some kinks in my life right now. I try to rely on God's word to live like a Christian would live and I have been feeling so blessed and comforted by his word so much lately...except in one area of my life and Dan is not scared to tell me that I have some bitterness in my heart that needs to come out. It's really just regarding 1 thing in my life but for some reason I have been able to let go of anger and bitterness for every other thing under the sun except this one thing. I am so thankful I have a husband who is willing to tell me truthfully and slightly harshly :) that this is something that needs to go now. I told him he was lucky to have a wife who would thank him for such a rebuke. And I am truly thankful that he would tell me when he sees something that I may not.

So this blog is just my thoughts and study tonight on bitterness and how to extract that right out of my life :D

Job 3: Job is bitter at this point. He isn't bitter until this time and then he says "it would have been better if I had not been born." and "why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter in soul who long for death but it never comes?"

Job in general is quite bitter for a good portion of the book until Elihu whacks him and the other guys on the head with the wisdom of God. I think Dan was my Elihu today; "Never mind justifying your bitterness, you're MY wife and you won't hold onto this any more."

Many times Bitter is used is referring to "weeping bitter tears". Almost half the time. It's as if weeping bitterly is a good thing but I don't think that's quite what I'm doing.

Acts 8:14-24. Peter asks the holy spirit to come upon the new believers and the man Simon, offered money to have the ability to do the same. Peter said something like this "you poor soul, you think you can buy the holy spirit. your heart is not right with God and you will have no part if you keep it up. Repent. I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity." I don't want to live in the gall of bitterness; look how it's sounding for Simon. Peter says he will have no part unless he stops and asks to be forgiven.

Eph 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you^(BI) speak the truth with his neighbor, for^(BJ) we are members one of another. ^26(BK) Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and^(BL) give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸Let the thief no longer steal, but rather^(BM) let him labor,^(BN) doing honest work with his own hands, so^(BO)that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ^29(BP) Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give^(BQ) grace to those who hear. ³⁰And^(BR) do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,^(BS) by whom you were sealed for the day of^(BT) redemption. ^31(BU) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ^32(BV) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,^(BW) forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Who knows this to be true? I DO! Do I do it? no. I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I do want to do. The word says it right there...DON'T BE BITTER AMY. So why do I continue living in it? Do I not know that I have been baptized into Christ which means I have been baptized into his death and was raised therefore, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so that I too, might walk in newness of life??? (Romans 6:1) I know all of this but my question still is, why do I keep doing it? I think we could all ask that question. We know what we are doing is wrong when we are doing it so why is it so hard? Because the way to salvation is hard! it's not the big fat and wide road that's heavily trod on. It's the tiny, skinny, measly trail that you can barely squeeze yourself through on.

So my conclusion for tonight is the exact same thing I tell my kids. I choose to make the decision to sin. I have the power of Christ in me not too. Choose the right thing.

I just have to write this down. Dan just got home and this is what he said. "Ephesians 4 is what you have to read." All I have to say is thank you Jesus for showing me what to read tonight. I had already studied that before he said anything.

An excellent wife

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife, who can find? She is worth far more than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.

I just want to take this little bit at a time. That way the words will really sink in. So when ever I read something from the bible during a study, I ask myself "What does this really mean." So what does it mean to be worth more than jewels? Well, clearly jewels are very valuable but lets see how valuable they are back then. The bible seems to mention the word Jewels 15 times. I looked at all these verses and these are the ideas that came from most of them:

-honor the lord with your wealth

-Jewels are compared with wisdom in the Proverbs a couple of times

-proverbs 3:13-18 is that mother talking again to her son, telling him about wisdom being "her" and jewels could never compare

-Song of Solomon talks about physical beauty of a woman in relation to jewels and at times about the passion he has for his wife; He speaks passionately about the jewels which adorn her (now, she is not actually wearing anything at all...he's talking about her pure beauty to him)

-Zachariah compares the Lords people to jewels.

-Then we come to the negative verses about jewels fading away, a symbol of sexual immorality in revelation, they will one day be worth nothing at all.

So there are two very different sides to the passages on Jewels. One is talking comparing us to jewels and the other talking about jewels will parish but we will not. So clearly, when comparing a wife to jewels, it's pretty big. She's pretty important and cherished. And because of this, her husband loves her so much. The heart of her husband trusts her.

I think of the story of Ester a lot when I think about the relationship between a husband and wife. Xerxes or King Ahasuerus made his first wife Vashti, leave because she made him look like a fool in front of pretty well the kingdom. So the King was in search for another queen. Esther happened to make the cut but not just because of her beauty; because she strove to please the king. It says, the women adorned themselves in all the kings jewels as they could keep what they took but Esther, she wore what Hegai, the eunuch in charge of the ladies, suggested what the king would like in Esther 2. Esther, not even his wife yet, submitted herself and adorned herself to what would please her future husband. So that's before she's married to him. Now to the good juicy part of the story:

So Haman convinces the King that the Jews need to be slaughtered all over the land and it is pretty much up to Esther to stop this massacre from happening. It is really a perfect example of submission. Submission isn't having a man rule over you as a wife. It doesn't mean you have no authority as a wife. It doesn't mean you have to be kept silent in your home because what ever the husband says goes. This is so often the misconception, that women become voiceless when people hear that word SUBMIT!!!! It's not that at all. Read Esther if you don't know the story. Does she keep silent? By no means! She actually bursts into the royal place where the King and other men of authority in the country were meeting. Her act of submission was that, she knew she had the heart of her King. She knew that "...and husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church" was true (even though they didn't have that particular scripture back then but what is true of God in the beginning is true now and will continue to be as well) She knew her husband loved her like crazy. She also knew that he would listen to what she had to say because why would a wife say something if she didn't really mean it?

I used to argue with Dan about everything. All the little details of the day; like many women, if things didn't go in the way I had expected them to, then I would say a little quip or make a fuss or change my attitude into something negative, setting the mood for the whole family. I decided one day after reading a chapter in "Created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl", to only say things that I really wanted to deal with. To this day the only time I will bring something "confrontational" up is when I really feel like it needs to be addressed. I'm not going to bring up petty things that won't bring glory to God or honor to my husband anymore because I know what it does. It creates unnecessary conflict for the sake of me being right. Now he know; Amy must mean what she's saying because she only says things that are truly important. So I think in some cases when it might sound petty, he asks himself "why is she saying that if she doesn't just always spew what's on her mind". I know I can trust my husband will listen to my requests because I'm not flippant with what I ask him. He loves me all the more because of it because there are no arguments any more.

This is what Esther was doing. He husband had so much confidence in her and trust in what she was saying that he could say to himself "she's not just bursting into this meeting for no good reason. There must be a good reason for this outburst and because she was bold enough to do that" he says "I will give you anything my queen, to you and half the kingdom."

She is more precious than jewels.

Wow, all that for 2 lines of scripture! What a rant. But it was great to write about.

Why do I Homeschool?

Since being back from Oregon I think about 1000 people have asked my "why do you homeschool?". It's a hard question to answer to people because no matter what I say, I feel like the recipient is gong to feel like I am making a judgment on how they do school for their kids. I want to share our reasons but not in a way that will put up barriers so often I don't say much about the topic. I love having this blog because I'm not really talking to anyone in particular. I can just share the reasons without the fear of offending someone else' parenting tactics.

"Do you homeschool because you're on the road so much?" "You don't plan to homeschool during all of their schooling do you?" "what's wrong with the public school system?" "Don't you need to be accredited to teach your kids school?" "How do you do it? I couldn't spend all day every day with my kids" (That is actually something I would have said a year and a half ago so if anyone reading feels that, I get it) "How are your kids going to learn how to socialize?

These are just a few of the questions I have received and continue to receive often. I think it's one of the reasons why I miss Oregon so much because it's so accepted and I don't feel interpreted when it comes to the girls education. So the reason is this: Dan and I have accepted all responsibility for the teaching of our children. If it is something extra curricular that we do not have the ability to teach, we are right along side them, learning with them. The bible tells us as parents to raise up our children so that they may not turn away from the faith (Proverbs 22:6). Also, I have a verse from Deuteronomy 6:4. Now I know we are not bound to the laws in the old testament but I do believe that the promises God makes are true yesterday, today and tomorrow, so just because we don't have to follow the laws, doesn't mean that the teaching along side them are null and void.

⁴"Hear, O Israel:^(E) The LORD our God, the LORD is one.^{[b] 5}You^(F) shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶And^(G) these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ^7(H) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ^8(I) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ^9(J) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

This is so beautiful. Imagine plastering your whole house with sticky notes so that you might teach your children diligently and teach them so they will never walk away from God. These are the things we are trying to do by homeschooling. In every single subject I can teach them about the Lord, whether it's math, English, Geography or anything else. Dan also leads us in bible study and worship every morning. Our day is saturated in the Lord and it is beautiful. I can see the hearts of my girls transforming as they come to know Christ in a deeper way, understanding more and more of his word.

I can't even tell you how much joy I have experience in teaching my girls all of their schooling. It's only been 3 weeks since the start of this school year for them and already I am amazing as to how they are learning and how well they are learning. We also get to bake cookies in the afternoons when ever we want haha.

As far are the socializing of it, if any of you know Jenny, you know that she is a magnet and a good one too. She tries her best to set a good example for the other children because of her learning and because she is learning how to use this gift of leadership that God has blessed her with. Bullies tend to have the same personality but use it to the opposite effect. She's amazing. MeghanRain is perfectly happy following Jenny around hanging out with the smaller kids who might be following along.

I am so happy. There are definitely moments of frustration and that's when meditating on scripture all day comes in handy :) It has been and continues to be such a blessing to have the girls home all day.

Proverbs 31 study- Who is Lemuel?

Last night I watched the first half of the movie called Limitless. It was very interesting. I had to go to bed as I was waited from the busy day but I've been thinking about it tonight. Apparently we only use 20% of our brains as humans. In this movie, there is a pill, a very expensive pill which allows you to use all 100% of the brain. So this man starts taking these pills every day and pretty much becomes the smartest man in the world, investing money and quintupling it every day becoming more and more rich. He is able to learn and be fluent in new languages in days along with playing the most difficult sonatas on the piano. All of a sudden he sees the world in a different view because he knows it all. What if we did this with scripture? What if we knew it all? How do you think Christians would be and act like if we had the whole scripture memorized? I am not proposing that we memorize the whole bible together but over the last 2 weeks I have dedicated my free time to memorizing scripture. I have only 2 new verses memorized but do you want to know how many times I thought about them this week? Only all day every day, constantly meditating on the words He gives us. Do you want to know how many conversations they came into? All of them (not all of them were verbalized). This was a complete revelation to me. A few months ago I started memorizing James. I can't believe I still remember what I learned and how it is constantly applied in my life. The Bible tells us to live by the word and that's exactly what I plan to (try to) do. I am starting with my favorite. Proverbs 31. I want to encourage you to imagine what it would be like to know what the whole thing says, know where everything is, imagine what conversations would look like if you could encourage people with scripture instead of "I know it says somewhere in the bible...". Now don't just imagine it; fall in love with it and know it!

I have gone through Proverbs 31 many times over the last year, and when I feel myself lacking as a wife and mother, I go here to regain the strength I need to keep the day going smoothly (Along with many other places in scripture.) I am not going to start half way through as most studies do but I want to know the precursor to "the wife of noble character".

WHO IS KING LEMUEL? Verse 1 says this: The words of King Lemuel. An Oracle that his mother taught him:

I wanted to start this study with the background of this king. Now I don't know for certain but I have done a little research and I believe this is Solomon. First of all, King Solomon wrote the proverbs. Second of all, the ancient Rabbinical commentators identified Lemuel with Solomon. So from here on out, I will imagine this proverb to have been written by Solomon given to him by his Mother. Besides who this king is, this has been given to him by him mother. Doesn't that seem strange? Well, he doesn't have a wife yet, clearly since she's telling him how to know a good woman when he sees one. Now if this is Solomon, then this is Bathsheba; the woman bathing on the roof that David wants and takes. Now, Bathsheba sleeps with David while married to Uriah, making her an adulterer. Eventually David kills Uriah and at this point Bathsheba is his wife. Maybe she knows all these great things because she wasn't one. I don't know that though, so I will have to do a little more research. So for now, we'll call it a night. Interesting how things get connected when you go back to try to figure them out. I encourage you to do your own research. Any questions that might pop up, write them down and then answer them. Discover it for yourself.