Hold Fast to Me

Content Disclaimer: Not for you yet children. I would rather tell you about it and skip some of the details. You can read this when you're older. 


 I am discovering more and more that when I write, it is first to glorify God and next for myself. Whoever happens to read upon my writings are simply the fruit of the work God is doing. I find myself writing when I've had a revelation of some kind or am passionate about something or something drastic happens that I need to work though by writing. If you are reading, you are just enjoying my working myself out.

I just reread exactly what I wrote in my last post knowing there would be some crazy parallels to this one. This is the continuation of that story of hope. If you have time read the last one again before reading this one.



Yesterday I experienced joy in a way I had no idea joy could be felt. I don't even know if by the end of this you will truly understand what I am feeling because I don't know if I am capable of writing it all down.

I was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning. 2 Actually. The first one wasn't equipped to take care of the massive amount of bleeding I was experiencing and the life saving procedures that, unaware, needed to follow. I lost consciousness several times as Dan drove as fast as he could through the snow drifts in the dark of night. He could only just barely reach 100km/hr as far as I could tell when I was awake.

Thinking back on that 20 minute drive I realise how selfish I have been. I have complained about him. I have been bitter toward him. I have been rejecting him for many years. (I'm sure most wouldn't notice and would not think twice at these things but in my heart I know I have felt them.) Dan, you are constantly my hero. Whether you feel it or not. Last night once again you put on your armour and fought for my life. I love you more than I can express right now. I love you 1000 times more than I did the day before and I am sorry for not edifying you the way you HEAP praise on me when I am completely unworthy of it. You are my man. You are the person I can count on. You will always hold my hand and you will never let me down. Please forgive me for the lack of love I have shown you.

Dan held my hand all the way demanding me to squeeze, shake or bounce it. I think I did a pretty good job. I woke up to the sound of him crying out to God telling Him not to take me. I must of stopped squeezing. He'd tell me to say something and I would repeat the same thing over and over and over again because he told me to. He carried me into the hospital. He told funny jokes...yes funny jokes, for the next many hours. He made so many people laugh. I haven't laughed this much in a very long time.

Dan didn't ride with me to the next hospital. I felt fine. I got the impression that everything was going to be fine because there wasn't a sense of urgency from the one hospital but I think my condition changed drastically as they rolled me into the ER. I was told later that they weren't prepared for what they had to deal with. I was told my lips went see through and my skin was white. My vains had all become flat. I had some very interesting procedures done such a drilling into my knee bone to get a direct IV in there, having a small catheter like tube inserted into the vain in my neck, having a blood transfusion, receiving a total 6 litres of fluid within about 2 hours

As I layed on the table with all of this happening I saw many people. I even chatted with some of them. One of the nurses has 4 children. Almost as many as me. And he was young too. Dan was in and out smiling when there was a space for him, making me laugh, wishing me a happy Valentines day. But through all the business there were moments of peace. I remember looking up at the ceiling thinking to my Lord I might see you today. And I would be very happy to see you.  I wasn't scared in the least. Then my worldly momma/wife instinct kicked in and I asked Jesus to leave me here for a while so they would be okay. And he did.

I went to have the operation done once my snake needle had been inserted into my neck. (I can't help but gross people out sometimes...sorry) I looked up at my favourite nurse who had been so nice and was joking with me while Dan couldn't I asked him if I almost died. He told me yes. My heart could have stopped at any time.

When I woke up from surgery which was about 5 minutes later (but actually more like an hour and a half) I heard the funniest beeping. It was my heart monitor. I started to cry. I looked sad but was overflowing with joy and happiness. I could hear the monitor rushing faster and faster so the nurse told me I needed to stop crying.

Since then, every so often I start to cry in between laughing with my husband because I am too overwhelmed to comprehend the Grace of God. I can't believe I am still here. I kept telling Dan life is going to be so different. And it is. How could it not. I was almost not here. My 5 children almost didn't have a momma and my husband who can't live without me would have had to.

Although what is waiting for us in Heaven is the prize, the fact that God spared my earthly life gives me such a deeper understanding of His salvation. It's tangible now. I comprehend first hand what it means for your life to be saved. But God can save anyones life. ANYONE. It doesn't have to be like this story. It most likely won't be. He saves people out of darkness. He makes it so that people don't have to sin. But if He doesn't save you, you won't be scooped up in his loving arms in the end. Cry out to him and ask him to save you. You'll never feel another embrace you like He does as long as you cling to him. As long as you hold fast to him. Let him care for you. Life won't be easy after accepting his embrace. It will still be hard. My family has lost a daughter/sister, have had 2 miscarriages, have almost been separated but despite all the crap that goes on in life there will be hope.  There will always be hope. 

I Will Give the Glory to God

My mind has been a bit of a mess this week. There has been a constant flurry of bible stories running through my mind. I've been meditating on which one I want to mimic and which one's my heart, soul and body have been mimicking.

There's the centurion from Luke 2 who came telling Christ that his servant was dying. He told Christ if he would just say the word he believed his servant would be well and there was no need for Christ to come. What did he feel like going home? Did he have every assurance that his servant would be well? 

Then there's David who when his first child was dying he fasted with his head to the ground for 7 days. (2 Sam 12:14-23) And then when the child died he got up, washed himself, changed his clothes, worshiped the Lord, ate something and carried on. 

I think about the countless times that the people of God mourn in their appearance by dressing themselves in clothing of mourning. 

Mary and Martha called for Christ when their brother Lazarus died. They waited and waited and waited. It took Christ 4 days to get to them. Mary cried out to him prostrating herself before him "Why didn't you come!" Clearly she had been in mourning those last 4 days. 

The one that I have meditated most on is when Christ is in the Garden of Gethsemane before his crucifixion. In Matthew 26:39 it says And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." 

To tell you the truth I haven't been eager about this pregnancy. I've been waiting for time to get me excited about it. I kept telling myself, I will be excited eventually but for now I will not worry or be excited. I was a little complacent about the whole thing. This past Monday I had my first ultrasound scheduled. I was looking forward to it because I would probably be excited about the baby once I saw it for the first time. I was excited about becoming excited. As my 3 littlest ones watched the screen they were shortly after excused so a more thorough ultrasound could be done so they waited in the hall. I could see the news wasn't good news but the technician spoke in possibilities. She didn't see the baby but suggested it may be too early. This is when thoughts went rushing through my head. Not bad thoughts. More thoughts of hope. 

My midwife called the next day to tell me the pregnancy didn't look like it was viable. Still, there was that possibility that it could go the other way for the better. Should I act like the centurion who only needed to ask Gods word and his servant would be healed? Should I be like David who mourned his child while it's life was uncertain? Should I mourn the baby as Mary and Martha mourned Lazarus knowing in their hearts that he was dead? I wouldn't give in to the third at all. 

That night Whisper got the flu. I had heard of the flu going around for the second time in a few months and was hoping it wouldn't strike our home. I heard this strain was a very violent one. One that lasted days and was a constant flow of vomit. It takes so long  for a mamma to recoup after 5 kids going through the flu. Maybe that's why I myself haven't had it in years. I woke up to the sound of Whisper being sick. I hopped out of bed at first with an attitude of I may be about to have a miscarriage. What an inopportune time for the kids to be getting sick. I need someone to take care of me. How will I take care of my babes. I am going to be up all night and all I want to do is sleep. God had other plans. And I believe he let Whisper become sick to make me stronger. After that split minute moment of selfishness I thought to myself this is such a great time for me to cherish the babes I have in my arms.  I brought Whisper to my room, slathered her in oils to help fight the sickness, turned on the defuser with the same oils and slept with her on the couch. She threw up 3 times that night. I was expecting an all-nighter. Actually I slathered all of the kids with oils the next day. None of the other girls got sick. And even if they are yet to get sick, it won't have been all at once like every other time. The Lord is good. 

God puts trials in our lives so that we can be stronger. Whisper being sick could have been a why-me-wallow-in-my-own-misery type of trial but he wants us to take joy in our trials as James tells us. It's the joy in our trials that make us stronger. 

The next day or two, I can't remember it's been a blur has been that constant flow of thoughts but never giving up hope. Always praising God in the midst of a possible tragedy. Always thinking about Christ asking God to take this cup from him. Jesus still went to the cross because he loves us so much. If he hadn't loved us he would't have died for us. But I don't picture buddy Jesus taking up his cross at Calvary. I picture a man almost beaten to death but still hanging on so he can be the final sacrifice, tired, and in pain but I'm sure he was with his Father the whole time. I have been with the Father every moment of my waking days since Monday and it is such a wonderful feeling.  I have asked him to take this cup from me but if it is his will that the baby should die let His will be done and not my own. I have not been happy every moment, and I have sinned as I do every day but I have still been with God every moment. 

Today my body started to reject the baby we were praying for. Now sitting here writing this I feel pain as my body tries to flush what was once a living little person from my body. I am at peace about loosing our child. It is a painful thing to think about and have a lifeless person inside of you but the fact the s/he is gone means s/he is alive in heaven. Celebrating eternal life with his Saviour. It is sad for us here on Earth but what a wonderful thing for our child to experience. And s/he got there before I did. Lucky kid. 

Now that baby is gone, I am excited about the pregnancy. 

I mourn that.

That I did not glorify God while s/he was with us. But I will glorify God now that s/he is not.

Amen

Sometimes a Child Just Knows What They're Talking About

If you have children or are close with children, you probably know that God speaks through them in ways that we as adults couldn't imagine ourselves doing.

Over the course of motherhood, my kids have said things that have had a huge impact on me. There have been times when things my kids have said something that brought me to tears instantly like when our 3rd daughter died and Jenny praised the Lord for her life the very day she found out and then took her grandmothers to church with her so matter-of-factly. There have been times when I've asked one of my kids to pray for something simple like "The baby's diaper needs to be changed, we're in the car and I've been looking for one for 10 mins. Could you please ask God for a diaper." and one just happens to be on top of the pile next to me after she's done praying. My kids are some of the strongest people I know. It's funny. I'm supposed to be their role model. I'm supposed to teach them things of life but often I find the roles reversed. 

Today I want to talk about my second daughter, Rainy. Rainy loves. She loves her Momma, she loves to help in the kitchen, she loves sitting next to the wood stove and she loves bugs.  She's at that age where she's coming to a very pure understanding of God but also starting to try to wrestle with the difficult things of life. Jenny did the same at her age and now with Rainy I'm finding myself amazed at the things she comes up with; all on her own. She is truly an inspiring girl.

Rainy had been sleeping in this huge papasan chair next to her closet for weeks. It's big enough that she was sleeping comfortably but after a few weeks I asked her why she kept sleeping there, she was going to end up having a backache, only half expecting an answer. She told me it was because she was afraid of the closet. I couldn't believe my ears. Before I had the chance to answer, Jenny, in passing, piped up and said "yeah she's afraid of bugs too." WHAT! What shocking news. I couldn't even process that information. This is the girl that built a worm farm, that took a caterpillar on the mary-go-round until it oozed green goo out of it's eye balls, that keeps what ever bugs she can find in any type of container. After a moment of complete and utter shock Rainy explained why she was doing what she was doing. With the bugs and now with the bed. This is one of those moments that make you stop and think about who is teaching who. 

Rainy said to me that if she was closer to the closet she wouldn't be afraid of it anymore. Rainy sleeps next to her fear. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief that my 7 year old would think of something so mature and profound to do. That will always stick with me. 



Recently Rainy, had a sewing accident. As she was threading her needle her hand slipped and hit the needle down button and the needle came down on her thumb. Right through. Both ends protruding through her skin. It was the worst day of her life as well as one of mine. She and I cried all the way to CHEO. She wasn't just crying about the pain but she was questioning God. Why would God let this happen and  why do I have to be so young going through such a terrible thing and Why couldn't God stop Satan.  I told her because God doesn't want to make someone love him. She responded with Well he could have at least trained him not to be so mean. She kept telling me she wanted her Daddy. Funny how she had an instinctual need for her fathers. She wanted answers and comfort from both her father in heaven and here on earth. A mother has such a gift to provide comfort to her children when they need it most but deep down a girl just needs her daddy. She told me she felt like she was in a dream but it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. The one time I remember feeling that way was when my daughter died. That was the amount of emotional pain she was suffering.

How can a 7 year old possibly know how to ask questions like this? I can't say anymore on this because I am still blown away by it all but I needed to get it down in writing before I forgot these precious moments. 

I am very proud and humbled at the same time to be the mother of 6 little girls who have all taught me something very profound in life in many many ways. What a humbling experience it is to be shown something about life through the life of a little one. 

Jenny, Rainy, Pillar, Whisper and Charlie I am immensely proud of you. You do not see it all the time but you must always remember in the back of your mind that your mother couldn't be more proud of who you are, the girls you are and are becoming. I love you so very much. 

Love Mommer

Kid's... I'll Tell You When You're Older.

Content Disclaimer: Not for you yet children. When you are ready to get married you may read this post. But not until then.

Sex is boring! The sole purpose of sex is to release sexual tension built up throughout the day...or sometimes a few days so you can go to sleep, wake up the next morning, go through your day while your husband builds up more sexual tension, and do it all again. There's no doubt that it is pleasurable when it happens and that it does make for a better sleep but could I have done without it? Yeah. 

Making Love. Now that's something worth talking about. 

In Genesis 4:1 we read that Adam "knew his wife". I looked at the word "know" in Strong's Lexicon and here are all the definitions for the word to know.  Now I understand that they don't all pertain to the action of making love but just for fun I looked at them in that perspective and what I found was that they really all describe love making really well. I've put my favourites in bold and continue talking about them next. 

to know 

to know, learn to know 

to perceive 

to perceive and see, find out and discern 

to discriminate, distinguish 

to know by experience 

to recognise, admit, acknowledge, confess 

to consider

to know, be acquainted with

to know (a person carnally)

to know how, be skilful in

to have knowledge, be wise

to be made known, be or become known, be revealed

to make oneself known

to be perceived

to be instructed

to cause to know

to cause to know

to be known

known, one known, acquaintance

to make known, declare

to be made known

to make oneself known, reveal oneself

Learn to know it is something that you need to learn. It's been 10+ years since I started and it's only gotten better...much better. And it's going to get better. I can't even imagine that. 

Find out and discern Wow. There's a mental image. Find out what's right for you. For a long time the idea of oral sex was very unappealing. To some it will always be unappealing, but find out whether it is or not and discern.

To know by experience. Paul says in 1 Cor 7:1-5 that both husband and wife should not deprive the other of love making so that we are not tempted to do something stupid whether it is as horrid as watching pornography or temptation of another woman to letting built up sexual tension cause friction between husband and wife. Experience is the key here. Lots of experience. 

To recognize, admit, acknowledge, confess. This is probably my favourite of all of the definitions. Making love is not like sex. Making love ignites all the senses. Look at Song of Solomon In the first paragraph along this woman is using taste; with a kiss, drinking wine. She smells the pleasing fragrance of the oils he is using to rub on her, Touch; running together, the king brings her into his chambers. Sight, she is described, "do not stare at me because I am swarthy" she says. She asks her lover a question and listens for the answer. That is one paragraph. The whole book is like this. They make love on many accounts throughout this book and each time they are playing, having fun, talking, hiding, laughing. In the second paragraph the woman is talking about her house. "I love my house. What a wonderful couch we have, and the rafters are amazing." They are talking about everyday things. What an amazing time to confess and ask forgiveness. what a great way to say "I forgive you."

To Consider means to actually think about what he's saying. My husband is a closed type of person. It is hard for me to get any emotion from him mainly because I don't think he fully knows just how to put it. But during this time of talking, exploring, something important might just come out. I wouldn't jump all over my husband the moment he opens up because he'd just close up again, but considering what he says helps me to understand him a bit more all the time. 

To know how, be skilful in. Well that one speaks for itself. I used to be really paranoid about doing things the right or wrong way, I was insecure, I didn't even want to show my whole self off to my husband but we've done some couples studies together and through them you learn a lot. It has taken me 10 years to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me 1000 times a day but it took that long. A lot of it had to do with the taboo of sex I had in my mind. My favourite study we did was by Mark and Grace Driscoll called REAL Marriage. Here is his series of sermons on the topic  In the book, which I recommend you read had an extensive section on sex. It was a great read. Also to be instructed goes along with this statement well. Don't be scared to ask if you're doing it right or wrong. 

Be revealed I loved this one because it is talking about me...It made me ashamed to "be revealed". Especially after a baby belly (some of my several marathon a year runner friends may not find this to be the case) but to my husband I was like Solomon's girl. If your husband doesn't make you feel like this, read Song of Solomon together...naked. Michael Pearl wrote a wonderful commentary on the Song of Solomon called Holy Sex. Get this book. I wish I still had it but I give all my good reads away.

To make oneself known Before Adam and Eve took the fruit they were naked and that's just the way it was. They were beautiful to each other and there was nothing to tell them otherwise. Until sin came along. Then they realized they were embarrassed. Mark Driscoll said one of my favourite lines about loving the beauty of ones spouse. He said “Don't cohabitate. Don't fornicate. Don't look at pornography. Don't create a standard of beauty. Have your spouse be your standard of beauty. This is one of the great devastating effects of pornography: you lust after people and compare your spouse to them. It's impossible to be satisfied in your marriage if you don't have a standard that is biblical; that standard is always your spouse.” Isn't that wonderful? Your standard of beauty is your own husband. Let him be comfortable with you and you with him. 

Declare! That one's a little hard to do when the kids are sleeping in the room next door. Just joking...a little. Well this blog post is certainly a declaration of what I know in my 10 short years of marriage which I hope is just the tip of the iceberg.

Can you believe all of that is from 1 word! To know. 

Well that was fun. 

Goodnight!

***As a quick addendum I'd like to state that making love takes a while and although I enjoy it quite a lot more than raw sex, there is definitely a time for plain ol' sex. Like at the end of a very long day, eyelids drooping and neither of you will stay awake for more than 15 more minutes. ***

Looking Back I Would Have Done it Differently

There's no doubt that I would do things differently if I could. There's also no use in regretting life. Without my life being as it was I wouldn't have the thing I have to offer young women as an encouragement to them.

Many women have a long list of great pieces of advice to share. I love listening to those lists. Those lists help me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better person. Every Christian woman that I meet in my travels I always ask for their lists in one way or another. I have a list! It is a long list. I have lots of things I want to share. But my list is a little different. My list is a list of What-Not-To-Do's. I didn't get much right in the early years of womanhood. (My definition of womanhood is 13 and up)

Recently I had an opportunity to speak on a panel to some young women or to who most would call teenagers. There we some questions that were already prepared and the young ladies also had opportunity to ask their own questions and I was thrilled to be able to share my story with them. One of the questions was "What would you do differently looking back or what advice could you give these ladies." This is my favourite question IN THE WORLD!

Here it is:

I would have made better relationships. I would have challenged the ones I was in. Here are the specific relationships I would have worked differently on. I'll give you a bit of history on each one without showing any disrespect to each.

My Mother
For anyone who knew me when I was a teenager you would know that this was a tough relationship. I was very hard on my mom. I was very rebellious. Maybe it was because of the knowledge of life that I lacked but even if my mother would have had a desire to share her life experience with me I would have rejected it in an instant. I did not desire this relationship at all. I pushed her out of my life and sought what I needed from her elsewhere; I sought it in a sexually immoral relationship, I sought it in another woman who could play the role of my mother, I sought it in every act of disobedience I could think of including piercings, coloured hair, bad words, cutting...It's a wonder that my mother even continued pursuing our relationship. I'm not sure she was ready for such a tough kid. I don't think she was prepared to guide me away from this path I put myself on.

Ruth and Naomi had a really interesting start to their relationship together. Naomi was a Godly woman. That's something we can clearly see. She knows the Lord. But something interesting struck me as I was preparing to speak to these ladies. Ruth seeks out her mother in-law. Naomi doesn't say "Your husband has died. This is a terrible time of life for you and I want to care for you. I want to teach you everything I know and comfort you." No! She says "Ruth, go home. Go back to your people." What does Ruth say next? She begs Naomi to let her come with her. Naomi, again, tells her to go home. But Ruth is persistent. She wants to go with the woman she knows will nurture her. Naomi may not have been prepared to nurture this young widow. She must not have felt adequate. But Ruth persisted until Naomi said yes. Then the rest of the book we see her care for her daughter. Teach her how to do things. Make wise decisions for her and with her.

If I could do things again I would be persistent. I would seek my mother out and ask her questions she didn't know. I would ask her to teach me things and we'd wrestle through my thoughts, ideas, and problems together. I would have given her opportunity to teach me and to train me and to learn how to raise a young woman.

My Church
The more I read scripture the more I understand how important it is to have elders in authority over me so I am not just a free spirit able to do anything at my whim. Over and over scripture tells us the roles of elders in a Church and the reason for that is so the body is growing and healthy. We as members should feel comfortable to ask elders questions we don't know the answers to. We should bring them issues that need to be dealt with like Christ lays out in Matt 18:15-17 and then they shouldn't be afraid to deal with them.

Looking back I should have asked the church elders hard questions that were on my mind like "Why is sex before marriage wrong?" or "help me with my relationship with my mother." or "I'm cutting myself and need to stop. Help me."  But on the other hand, while I was sinning, no one approached me about that. And that may be in part because of our society today that makes certain topics awkward to speak about.

My advice to young people is to talk with your elders and pastor. Ask them what their role as leaders are. Is it mainly to keep the church organized or is it also to Shepard the sheep and practice biblical church discipline as Christ outlines it? Believe it or not I crave discipline. When I do something wrong these days, my desire is that someone would tell me if I haven't realized it. Proverbs 10:17 says that is good.

If you who are reading are ever looking for a church or are in a church where your elders are not practicing biblical truths, seek a church that will nurture you in your walk with God. Meet with elders, email lists of questions. Be in a healthy place (Note that if you are in a church, SPEAK WITH YOUR ELDERS ABOUT THIS BEFORE CONSIDERING LEAVING BECAUSE EITHER WAY THEY LOVE YOU AND MAY JUST MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE OF YOUR COURAGE TO SPEAK)

An Older Woman
I did not have a mentor when I was young. I did not seek a mentor when I was young. The closest thing I had to a mentor was my husband's mother whose relationship I cherished very deeply. She comforted me in a very difficult time in life. She loved me and I let her love me like a mother. I am deeply grateful for her love, support, and comfort that she showed me. It wasn't a mentorship though and I don't think it would have been appropriate for her to have been my life mentor just as your own mother shouldn't be your mentor to a certain degree. Sometimes the problems are with your own mother therefor you need someone to mentor you and guide you in what to do about that.

I understood the biblical principle of mentorship when I moved to Oregon. My very good friend who was ahead of me in life, almost to a T, by about 15 years agreed to mentor me. I'd like to note that I asked her to mentor me. I didn't wait for her to ask. And guess what? She was thrilled to say yes. Evey Monday she would make me a cup of tea, send all the kids to her backyard to play and let me spill everything that was going on in life. She helped me to be who I am today through Christ. If I had known this was something I was supposed to have, I would have had it looooong before Oregon. I moved back to Canada and realized I couldn't email her every time I needed advice because it was different and difficult not to be able to pray and cry to her. I needed someone here that I could do that with. I do have a mentor here as well now and I love her to pieces. A relationship with an older woman in the faith is so important. She may not have all the answers but she will try to get them, or at least work through them with you. The bible tells older women to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children. Go figure, it doesn't happen naturally. And why does an older woman in the faith need to have this role? Because it probably took them a long time to learn how to love their husbands and children just right :)



Life has been tough. And life continues to be tough but tough is what makes life worthwhile. James spends his whole book talking about how struggles form who you are in Christ. And the more you struggle the more genuine your faith becomes.(1 Pet 1:6-7) But God puts specific relationships in our lives for a reason. I wish I had grabbed them a long time ago but I am making up for lost time now.

A Needed Prayer

Wow. Really needed to hear this today. Maybe you did too.

Prayer for Spiritual Strength

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 

from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,

that according to the riches of His glory, 

he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, 

being rooted and grounded in love, 

may have strength to comprehend with all the saints 

what is the bredth, 

   and the length

and the height

and depth,

and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,

according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. 

Amen. 

Gossip in God's Name

"Please pray for my husband...he is so insensitive and does not nurture the children the way he should. When they cry he just lets them be bla bla bla bla"

"Please pray for my husband....He is so stubborn. There are many things he just wont listen to me about. He doesn't agree with me about ____he doesn't think _____is right bla bla bla bla"

"Please pray for my husband....He doesn't care for the body God gave him and he's gaining weight, he's unhealthy, he eats junk food, he bla bla bla bla bla."

"Please pray for my husband....we had an argument. It was about _______[explains the argument in detail]"

"Please pray for my husband...he wants me to give up my Independence and stay home with the kids. He doesn't think I should be working and I believe God wants me to be _____"

"Please pray for my husband....He doesn't help me around the house with chores. I'm stuck doing everything and it seems like he has no care for me bla bla bla bla"

and this list goes on

and on

and

on

and

on

How many times have we been at a ladies bible study or group, time for prayer requests come along and we hear prayer requests for their husbands? Maybe we have even been the ones offering prayer requests for our own husbands. This isn't bad is it? Prayer for our husbands is absolutely always in order however discernment for the things we ask for in prayer with groups should be considered before we go sharing our deepest feelings about who is supposed to be our deepest love on earth.

I can't tell you what the line is between what to ask and what not to ask in prayer but I can tell you, considering a couple of things before you bring a request before others is probably a good idea. Over the course of womanhood, I have grown a tainted view toward certain men solely because of how a woman brought up a prayer request. It degrades their husbands to the point where they are thought of as rude, mean, selfish etc, all because a woman had a lack of respect OR that couple had an argument on that particular day and needed to vent. This is gossip. It is also using the Lords name in vain. When we spread around gossip in the name of prayer that is really in the name of God. It is sinful.

Consider these things before you share your most raw moments with others. First of all, spend some time with God and ask him these questions as well as yourself.
1. Is what you are saying going to tear your husband down?
2. Is what you are asking honouring to God and to your husband?
3. Is what your asking something that truly should be changed from your husbands end?
4. Consider how you can make a change that will help the situation
5. Is it really a request that everyone needs to hear about or do you just want the attention of people feeling sorry for your circumstance? (you may not be consciously seeking attention but God may reveal this to you if you ask.)

Using the examples from the beginning, here are some honouring ways of offering a prayer request that might be appropriate

"Please pray that my husband and I would nurture the children the way they need in life that they will not depart from the Lord like the Bible says in Proverbs."

"My husband and I have had a lot of disagreements lately. Whether I'm right or wrong, I just wand to know what God's perspective is and do what is right and honour my husband."

"I want to make sure my family is eating healthy. Please pray that I would be able to make good decisions when doing groceries and cooking."

Never tell a group about a specific argument in detail. It has no benefit.

"I'm struggling whether I should stay at home and not work. Please pray for my study in scripture about this and conversations that are to come with my husband."

"I'm feeling overworked and stressed with all the house work. Please pray that I can organize better and overlook things that seem to bother me when they done get done."

Often what happens when we make a change as women, is our husband see the change and they want to change for the better also. When we respect our husbands the way we are supposed to, they start loving on us the way they are supposed to. This is the biblical model God has set out for us. Eph 5 says it beautifully.

All women should have another older wiser woman that she can share her frustrations with. Someone who is not going to change their perspective on your husband no matter what they say. Someone that if you told "I'm so frustrated that my husband doesn't_______________" will respond with "Well, what can you do about this situation from your end?" rather than "Yeah well, your husband needs to learn to ______________".  Too often the second is the advice when we share these requests in pride. What does this do? Well, bitterness toward our husbands step in and begins to fester and the more we hear advice like this the more we dislike our husbands. I've been there. There was a time when I did not love my husband anymore and it was almost done...I did not surround myself with women who would still look well on my husband no matter what his shortcomings were.



One note of caution on the contrary: When we don't talk to anyone about our husbands shortcomings it can create a lonely place and lies become your reality. I've spent almost the last 2 years not telling anyone of my frustrations and hurts at home. It's just been me, trying to deal with pain and not allowing God to help me heal. I've been moving back and forth to and from Oregon trying to hold onto mentors in both places but because of all the moving there wasn't really a constant.  It wasn't until a couple of months ago that I gained enough trust in my mentor here in Canada that I was able to get some of these things off my chest. Did her perspective of my husband change? No. She still sees him as a strong man even though she knows of some of his short comings. So don't keep everything in ladies. It's important to talk about your struggles in an honouring way but it's not a group event.