Looking Back I Would Have Done it Differently

There's no doubt that I would do things differently if I could. There's also no use in regretting life. Without my life being as it was I wouldn't have the thing I have to offer young women as an encouragement to them.

Many women have a long list of great pieces of advice to share. I love listening to those lists. Those lists help me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better person. Every Christian woman that I meet in my travels I always ask for their lists in one way or another. I have a list! It is a long list. I have lots of things I want to share. But my list is a little different. My list is a list of What-Not-To-Do's. I didn't get much right in the early years of womanhood. (My definition of womanhood is 13 and up)

Recently I had an opportunity to speak on a panel to some young women or to who most would call teenagers. There we some questions that were already prepared and the young ladies also had opportunity to ask their own questions and I was thrilled to be able to share my story with them. One of the questions was "What would you do differently looking back or what advice could you give these ladies." This is my favourite question IN THE WORLD!

Here it is:

I would have made better relationships. I would have challenged the ones I was in. Here are the specific relationships I would have worked differently on. I'll give you a bit of history on each one without showing any disrespect to each.

My Mother
For anyone who knew me when I was a teenager you would know that this was a tough relationship. I was very hard on my mom. I was very rebellious. Maybe it was because of the knowledge of life that I lacked but even if my mother would have had a desire to share her life experience with me I would have rejected it in an instant. I did not desire this relationship at all. I pushed her out of my life and sought what I needed from her elsewhere; I sought it in a sexually immoral relationship, I sought it in another woman who could play the role of my mother, I sought it in every act of disobedience I could think of including piercings, coloured hair, bad words, cutting...It's a wonder that my mother even continued pursuing our relationship. I'm not sure she was ready for such a tough kid. I don't think she was prepared to guide me away from this path I put myself on.

Ruth and Naomi had a really interesting start to their relationship together. Naomi was a Godly woman. That's something we can clearly see. She knows the Lord. But something interesting struck me as I was preparing to speak to these ladies. Ruth seeks out her mother in-law. Naomi doesn't say "Your husband has died. This is a terrible time of life for you and I want to care for you. I want to teach you everything I know and comfort you." No! She says "Ruth, go home. Go back to your people." What does Ruth say next? She begs Naomi to let her come with her. Naomi, again, tells her to go home. But Ruth is persistent. She wants to go with the woman she knows will nurture her. Naomi may not have been prepared to nurture this young widow. She must not have felt adequate. But Ruth persisted until Naomi said yes. Then the rest of the book we see her care for her daughter. Teach her how to do things. Make wise decisions for her and with her.

If I could do things again I would be persistent. I would seek my mother out and ask her questions she didn't know. I would ask her to teach me things and we'd wrestle through my thoughts, ideas, and problems together. I would have given her opportunity to teach me and to train me and to learn how to raise a young woman.

My Church
The more I read scripture the more I understand how important it is to have elders in authority over me so I am not just a free spirit able to do anything at my whim. Over and over scripture tells us the roles of elders in a Church and the reason for that is so the body is growing and healthy. We as members should feel comfortable to ask elders questions we don't know the answers to. We should bring them issues that need to be dealt with like Christ lays out in Matt 18:15-17 and then they shouldn't be afraid to deal with them.

Looking back I should have asked the church elders hard questions that were on my mind like "Why is sex before marriage wrong?" or "help me with my relationship with my mother." or "I'm cutting myself and need to stop. Help me."  But on the other hand, while I was sinning, no one approached me about that. And that may be in part because of our society today that makes certain topics awkward to speak about.

My advice to young people is to talk with your elders and pastor. Ask them what their role as leaders are. Is it mainly to keep the church organized or is it also to Shepard the sheep and practice biblical church discipline as Christ outlines it? Believe it or not I crave discipline. When I do something wrong these days, my desire is that someone would tell me if I haven't realized it. Proverbs 10:17 says that is good.

If you who are reading are ever looking for a church or are in a church where your elders are not practicing biblical truths, seek a church that will nurture you in your walk with God. Meet with elders, email lists of questions. Be in a healthy place (Note that if you are in a church, SPEAK WITH YOUR ELDERS ABOUT THIS BEFORE CONSIDERING LEAVING BECAUSE EITHER WAY THEY LOVE YOU AND MAY JUST MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE OF YOUR COURAGE TO SPEAK)

An Older Woman
I did not have a mentor when I was young. I did not seek a mentor when I was young. The closest thing I had to a mentor was my husband's mother whose relationship I cherished very deeply. She comforted me in a very difficult time in life. She loved me and I let her love me like a mother. I am deeply grateful for her love, support, and comfort that she showed me. It wasn't a mentorship though and I don't think it would have been appropriate for her to have been my life mentor just as your own mother shouldn't be your mentor to a certain degree. Sometimes the problems are with your own mother therefor you need someone to mentor you and guide you in what to do about that.

I understood the biblical principle of mentorship when I moved to Oregon. My very good friend who was ahead of me in life, almost to a T, by about 15 years agreed to mentor me. I'd like to note that I asked her to mentor me. I didn't wait for her to ask. And guess what? She was thrilled to say yes. Evey Monday she would make me a cup of tea, send all the kids to her backyard to play and let me spill everything that was going on in life. She helped me to be who I am today through Christ. If I had known this was something I was supposed to have, I would have had it looooong before Oregon. I moved back to Canada and realized I couldn't email her every time I needed advice because it was different and difficult not to be able to pray and cry to her. I needed someone here that I could do that with. I do have a mentor here as well now and I love her to pieces. A relationship with an older woman in the faith is so important. She may not have all the answers but she will try to get them, or at least work through them with you. The bible tells older women to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and children. Go figure, it doesn't happen naturally. And why does an older woman in the faith need to have this role? Because it probably took them a long time to learn how to love their husbands and children just right :)



Life has been tough. And life continues to be tough but tough is what makes life worthwhile. James spends his whole book talking about how struggles form who you are in Christ. And the more you struggle the more genuine your faith becomes.(1 Pet 1:6-7) But God puts specific relationships in our lives for a reason. I wish I had grabbed them a long time ago but I am making up for lost time now.

Home Sweet Home

Our family has just moved into an old home. And I mean an old home. The ceilings are slanted; there are cracks in the walls; every window lets in a cold draught; there are leaks in the rough coming in. All this said and I look at them all and smile. I love this home. It's an old farm house built in 1865 and it has wonderful character but along with that comes the joyful "burden" of repairs. I'm sitting here on an old and almost antique blue couch our pastor gave us, soaking in the natural warmth of the wood stoves, admiring the thick wooden beams in the ceiling and floor with the spiral staircase in front of me. I feel like a queen. But the only reason I can feel like this is because I have an amazing family to keep me company. Without them, this would just be an old house with foundation problems and a leaking rough. It would be a constant thing of worry and upkeep. Without them there is no way I could stare at water dripping in with a smile on my face knowing that everything will be okay.

I've been think about a series of verses lately. They are all different; some long, some short but they come back to the same thing over and over again in Deuteronomy. About following God's commands to love the Lord our God.

Deut 11:18-20

18 ²⁷"You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and ²⁸you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 20 ²⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,

It's funny how we are not bound by the law any longer, yet here is a beautiful promise made for His people to follow His law and yet the thing that is being stressed is the very thing Christ tells us to continue doing; Love the Lord your God. This is the great commandment and God is saying here, in the old testament, that "if you do this, you will prosper. I will give you riches and land."

I am not preaching the prosperity gospel right now...this is the promise he made to his people at this point in scripture. I do believe God can provide the money for us to get our roof fixed, foundation looked at, windows replaced, etc but that is not what he is promising me. He is promising me that if I 1 teach them to my children, talk of it when we are sitting in our house, and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down, and when we rise. 20 ^29and write them on the doorposts of our house and on our gates, then he will fulfill our needs. For me, being fulfilled means to be able to look at a leak coming into the house and smile. People think I'm crazy. There are 1000 things that people tell us need to be taken care of immediately but my "immediately" consists of 3 little girls; VERY soon to be 4 and a wonderful husband whom I adore more and more each day. This is the promise God has made to us. When we love him with all our hearts, souls, minds, strengths, he will bless our pants off...because he said so. He's a great Father and with him, we're home sweet home.

Considering a field in Suburbia

Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks

I've been thinking about this verse all day and what it means to consider a field. I'm not sure it's too practical these days to go out and consider a field. But what is a field? I've been wondering what are the fields in my life. What are the things that I consider? I think that's really what this is about. It's not that she is purchasing a field, it's the considering part. It doesn't say "she sees a really great deal on a field and buys it because it's a good buy" it says she considers it. I have the problem of just umping into things thinking they will just work out and convincing my husband it's a good idea. A lot of times this just causes a lot of extra hassel and waisted money. Not enough consideration is done before I just jump into these great ideas of mine.

This is the heart of this part of the passage. Being smart and considering what is best. I'd like to share a personal example of how this verse has worked in my life. Just because she considers it and buys doesn't mean our results should always end in the buy. I started a little home business with my friend while we were in Oregon last year. I bought a lot of supplies, made a lot of product, spent time and money to be vendors at craft sales and hardly anything came of it. Most of my product is stuck in Oregon because we couldn't afford to bring it back to Canada since it would take up so much space. It wasn't a wise decision. I thought I would continue to work on the business while here in Ottawa. I'd try to squeeze in a couple of hours of work on the computer trying to market online every day and this poor little computer just didn't want to chug along. It ended in a lot of frustration and waiting. It would take all day just to load a acouple of items online and there was a constant heaviness in me because I was anxious. (probably had a lot to do with the poor internet connection). I'd call Dan at work and tell him how frustrated I was that I couldn't get this thing going. There was a lot of waisted time and finally Dan said to me "you need to take a break from this stuff right now. I am going to work and support us and you don't have to worry about it." Now to some, this might come off as a controlling husband who doesn't let their wife do the thing they are working so hard at. This is not it at all. I saw it very much as an act of love and he was trying to spare me from all this frustration and freed me from feeling bound to getting this thing going and successfull. Thinking about this verse I realized I didn't consider my field. I just went out and bought it. Then we get to the next part of the verse.

She sets about her work vigorously and her arms are strong for her task. This is how vigorous is defined: 1. full of or characterized by vigor: a vigorous effort. 2. strong; active; robust: a vigorous youngster. 3. energetic; forceful: vigorous steps; a vigorous personality. 4. powerful in action or effect: vigorous law enforcement. 5. growing well, as a plant. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vigorous . None of those words discribe how I went about my work on the website. I went about my work in frustration and anxiety. So not only did I not consider my field, I also didn't have vigor. I also didn't know what I was doing which contributed to the frustration. My hands were not strong for my task.

So our Proverbs 31 lady considered the thing she was about to endeavor on, she worked vigorously-did a great job-and knew exactly what she was doing. Her hands were strong for her task. She knew how to farm a field.

So, I still don't spend any time on the website I wasted hours on. But I believe that was, is and will continue to be a wise choice not to. The thing that I have considered is this blog; is preparing school for the girls and making sure I impress God's word on their hearts, talking about it when we walk along the road and when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed (Deut 6:7); is studying scripture and sharing with friends I meet who's marriages hurt. These are the things I have considered. These are the things that I have vigor for. These are the things that I am strong in...or at least getting stronger at.

So what is your field? And are you doing it begrudgingly or because you have vigor for it? And are you good at it? Are you working hard at it? These are the things that need to be kept in the heart all the time. Is what you are doing really coming from God because I have a feeling, if you don't feel motivated to do it, if you aren't good at it, it you are full of anxiety about it, you may not have prayerfully considered it. Let Him live in you. There is something for you to consider, whether big or small, He has something for you to do. I hope you find it and make God the center of everything you do. I can't do anything good without him. There is no good without him.

Getting started in the morning

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.

It has been a while since I've written. I've been in kind of a slump lately. 7 months pregnant sure doesn't inspire me to get up while "it is yet night"...neither do these dark winter mornings. This morning, though, I had the pleasure of waking up at 530am to see my husband off. He'd out of town for a few days and it just so happens that we awoke to the first snowfall of the year. I went back to bed!

So clearly I am not living out this part of the verse and so I want to dive into this and figure out what it means. I can tell you that I have gone back and forth through phases of waking up early and sleeping in and I KNOW that when I wake up early my day is ALWAYS better so why is it that I give in to the "sleep monster"? Isn't it funny? Paul says in Romans 7 I do not do what I want but I do the very thing that I hate. I don't think sleeping in is the thing that I hate (or sin) but I do think the outcome of it has proven to be. Maybe that's why I've been in a bit of a slump lately...because I have become lazing in getting the day started. I wake up at 630 with Pillar every morning but lay in bed, her crawling all over me, hauling teddies, stories and blankets into the cramped little space I have and all, but I don't usually force myself out of bed until 7 or 730. Does that extra 30 mins of non sleep really do anything benificial? I don't think so.

So, speaking from experience, when I have gotten up before the babies ever did to do devotions, pray, meditate etc, my attitude is so much more possitive than when I sleep in. So here are my options: Lay in bed for an extra 30 mins of completly disturbed sleep hoping I will have slept a total of 1 min more, or get out of bed, spend time with my Lord and soak in his word. Hmmmm sounds like a no brainer to me. Now like I said, I don't think the sleeping in part is the bad part (for me anyway) but my attitude becomes poor, my frustration level grows, and the day just doesn't start well. So here I am, just like Paul saying "I don't do the thing I want to do (have a good attitiude) and I do the thing that I hate" (have a bad attitude). So for me, turns out sleeping in isn't a good thing, And it took me this blog to realize it because without writing it down, I would have just slept in tomorrow morning :)

I do want to talk specifically about the food part (I think you know by now this is pretty much my favourite earthly thing). I know many people don't take this passage litterally and it is quite impossible to do these days anyway and the reader from the previous post commented that we can't live every detail of this passage litterally otherwise we will burn ourselves out, but finding out what it really means to you to wake up while it is still night and prepare food for your household is really important too. So does that mean sleeping in like me is good for you (it isn't for me) or taking the kids to McDonalds for breakfast every morning, if that's the way this verse is true for you, let it be so then, but I would like to share with you from my perspective; how I make (or try) to make it work. Our schedule has been a little off lately since I have had a job every morning that goes from 730-830 so our days have just started a little later so this part of the passage hasn't really worked out for me lately but I keep a great memory of my mom with me when I think about this part. We have been living with my parents for the last couple of months waiting to see if God would take us back to Oregon for missions work (where we left from last year) but he's told us to stay so in that waiting time we've been crashing my parent's. Now I can tell you from the time being here lately as well as when we were little, one of the best feelings is to wake up to freshly baked croissants or muffins. HOT muffins! What a treat. How special it feels to be a daughter who gets to wake up after doddling around getting ready, to a nice hot aroma that fills the house. Up the stairs I come and the smell just gets better and better and there's my mom, still in her pj's making the family breakfast. For no other reason except for the fact that she wants to serve us. Now this lady is a busy lady; it doesn't happen often that she bakes in the morning but when she does, man is it special! I am her daughter; I was part of her household and to some degree, am right now, which means in that moment, she is this woman, waking early to provide food for her family, and as her daughter I feel so special to be treated to such a lovely morning. You know, later on in the passage, it says "Her children rise up and call her blessed". In this moment of gratitude, I call my mother blessed! And I hope my children either see me that way now or will when they grow older. I want to be able to bless my children in that way to. The morning is not just a time for me to decide on my own attidude but for me to decide on my kids attitude as well. This is the question I must ask myself: Will I wake up and have a poor attitude and spread that to the family, or will I bite the bullet and wake up early, refreshed and ready to start my day and treat my family to something really special, whether that be breakfast or something else.

As the mom, I have the power to control everybody's attitude throughout the day; mine, my kids, and my husband. So what will be my choice, a poor attitude or a good one? The good one always comes from God. When I start my day with Him, he is there all day long supporting me and encouraging me but the second I put something before him and say "devotions can wait" or "I'll do it later" things go down hill.

I think I could go on and on but for now I will stop. I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderfully blessed week!

Happy mornings :)

Pampers, disposable, or both? Am I working with willing hands?

Proverbs 31:13-14 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant and brings her food from afar.

Look at that word "seeks" in the fist sentence. She seeks wool and flax, which means it's probably not easy to come by. She may have to make/ grow it, or find it from someone who has. What do you do with wool? You spin it into yarn and knit or sew with it. And we'll learn later in this passage that she clothes her family in fine garments of scarlet, and makes bed coverings for her family, and supplies the merchants with scarves to sell. She does all of this from scratch. I can't imagine not being able to go to the fabric store to buy the amount of whatever I want. These days have made it pretty easy for us wives to select wool. But imagine having to do it all from the very beginning.

Last night I made a clothe diaper. It wasn't just any cloth diaper, it was a Pampers cloth prototype. I am quite pleased with it. I was inspired because I love disposable diapers. They are fast, easy and they keep moisture in for a looonnnngggg time. You won't even know your baby is wet for the fist good long while (is this good? I don't think so. Pampers has made life of a mom and dad easy by being super absorbent) So, we got some free cloth diapers that we've been using for the last few days and they are big, messy, time consuming, uncomfortable, and the list goes on and on. Dan and I agreed that if we went to cloth diapers that it would be solely my department as he wants nothing to do with them haha. But then I look at this passage and realize, hey, this is me finding the good wool. I feel like I'm not giving in to the "easy" way (which I have been doing for the last 7 years) and really trying to figure out how this thing works. It takes about 1hr to make 1 diaper. That's a really long time, but it is so satisfying. I think about how long it would have taken Mrs Proverbs 31 to make garments and scarves and bed coverings (as examples) if she had to go out, find the wool, spin it, sew with it, and then finally it is done. It's a crazy long process.

As for the flax, it's the same story. I think this passage is saying she makes good homemade food :) I love to cook. I love cooking from scratch and the day I have to put something out of a package and warm up in the oven I feel so unsatisfied and a little guilty. This doesn't happen often as the kitchen is where I love to be. The girls do school in the kitchen so I can cook all day so the likeliness of me pulling something out of a box is slim. But to go even further, she grounds up her own flax; flour too I'm sure. I know someone who does this is it is so gratifying to go from start to finish all with your own hands and maybe that's the trick here. Maybe homemade food takes a long time, sometimes all day :) but it is so much nicer to know what you have accomplished.

"She is like the ships of the merchants, and brings her food from afar". I'm not going to get into the logistics of what that could possibly mean; does she go to the ocean coast waiting for fresh new food? does she travel to the farmers all around town? I think it means that she takes time and care into what food she is going to set before her family. They are so precious to her and she wants the best for them. She could very well go to the local discount bin and pick up almost rotten tomatoes and use them right away so they don't go bad (I am guilty of this) or she could take time, selecting the right fruits and veggies. She doesn't want just any old tomato, she wants the ones that would be perfect for the dish she is cooking. The fact that she takes the time to GO and find the foods she needs is pretty cool. Now we have stores on every corner everywhere, again it makes it hard for us to go directly to the merchant ships but maybe think about planting a garden in the next spring. I have big plans, not to have to buy any produce using the gardens I am going to plant. I am so excited about this. Just another thing to accomplish from start to finish.

I know not everyone has the time to be in the kitchen all day, but it is a really satisfying thing to fall in love with cooking and making delicious meals. If you are an M&M's type person, (don't get me wrong, their food is wonderful) but try home cooking. If your kids are picky, start with something you know they will like. The feeling is the opposite when you put so much time into a meal just to have someone say "yuk". My kids are great, even if I can tell dinner was a bomb and I know it doesn't taste good, they'll tell me it's great and eat it all up but I know not all kids have learned that trick haha so start with something they will like and boost your confidence in home cooking.