Developing a Love for Birthing Pains

I love labour.

Some of you women right away will say "she's crazy!" I've heard it so many times. I've had looks of wonder and disbelief when I tell people I love labour days. For me it's a day of pampering from my family, awesome food and in the end I get to lounge in bed for at least a day. Doesn't every woman want to be pampered like she's the most important person in the world? Or eat whatever she wants? Or get to lie in bed for hours without interruption being served breakfast lunch and dinner in bed?

Those are all sweet things but they are not actually the true highlight of labour and delivery for me. What I love most about it all is the excruciating pain brought about  bringing new life into this world.

"okay now she really is crazy".....keep reading.

In the beginning God created everything and it was good. In summary. And then the people God made, who represent all of humanity, who act as every one of our representatives, broke a promise they made to their maker ("no we will not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil") and as any good father would do, he gave them the discipline they needed. He told man he would toil in his work and he told woman her pain in child bearing would increase greatly. So what? I love the curse? No. I love the promise. Mankind is cursed until the day when we are reunited with God in heaven. How is the curse broken? Through the sacrifice of Jesus. Who took our place on the cross, sent our sins to their father in Hell, was raised from the dead, perfect and blameless and stands before our father in heaven just for us so that we may stand before God in the same way. Perfect and blameless in his sight.

Romans 6:3-11 says that we died on the cross with Jesus:

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

We toil through pregnancy and sometimes we get to the end and wish it to be over and done with; we are so tired of being tired. and then labour hits. It comes out of nowhere. We women know that we are pushed to the point where we don't know how we are going to make it through the next contraction. How could this pain get any worse. And then it does. And it gets even worse and still gets even worse before it's over. And then all at once, with one final push of exasperation your body is limp, you lie back, close your eyes and hear the cry of the new life you were waiting for. Nothing matters anymore. You have received the prize. 

Here is the beautiful parallel that I get teary eyed thinking about. I have been tired of sin. Have you? Thinking I'm so tired of making the same mistake over and over again? Just like our tiredness by the end of pregnancy. Then comes labour itself. The sacrifice. JESUS.  Without a sacrifice, we can not stand before God our Father. He can't dwell with sin. Labour is like what life would be like without God. Hopeless. Painful. Longing for it to be over but it still gets worse. No end in sight. Despair. Only it doesn't end. And finally after a life of struggling through sin and being separated from God we receive his salvation. Just like when our baby is finally here. Nothing else matters except the new life God has given us. 

It's a small picture. But I am grateful for the examples God gives us of his salvation through worldly experience. I can't wait to experience salvation to God's degree. What about you?

The Importance of older women to the younger.

I look forward to being an older woman. Getting old has never frightened me or gotten me down. It means that with every year that passes more opportunity arises for me to mentor a younger woman. Titus 2:3-5 outlines the joy I look forward to: Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  At this point I don't have much I can offer a younger married woman with children since I'm in the same boat with many little children and not many big ones. But what I can say is at this time of life and many years preceding this point, an older woman is and can always be appreciated.

In this individualistic society we live in today I believe there may be a lack of courage in this area. I say this only because when ever this has come up in conversation I have with older woman the reply is almost always "I'm not sure how to start." or "I don't know if they would appreciate my advice." or "I wouldn't want to offend someone if they don't wish to hear my advice." or, the biggest one is "I have nothing of worth to share. I have made so many mistakes." Perhaps the best way to teach us is through your mistakes.

Conversely, I have discussed the same topic with younger women wondering if they have or would like a mentor. Older women who are reading this, please read this part very carefully: Every young Christian woman I speak to about this has the very same longing as I do: to be brought up in the faith and desire to learn better how to love their husbands and children.

Over the years I have had women speak into my life. There have been times of much fruit given to me personally by other women and I have also experience great famine in that way as well. But I can tell you for every moment I have of an older, wiser woman in the faith is such a cherished blessing to me. I'm not sure you older women know just how much your life experience, good or bad, are worth. I want you all to know that you are such a gift to us younger women. But we need you to raise us up! We need to learn better how to love our husbands. We need to learn how to love our children more. If there is someone in the stage of life preceding yours in your reach, you are able to fulfill this great calling.

Help ladies. I speak for all the ladies who say any of these words:

Why doesn't my husband understand?
I seem to lack joy throughout the day.
We're fighting so much.
Why doesn't my husband want to spend more time with me?
Why can't I just teach my child to be ______?
I've tried a million things and they still don't get along?
They whine, they scream, they don't listen etc. etc.

I love you all so very dearly my older friends. I hope this message was a refreshing blessing and if you are a younger women, feel free to comment in agreement :)

Get Out of That Well

    I'm on a mountain top.


    I am not writing this to make you feel even deeper in a pit if you are in one but to encourage you that if you keep reaching out in what feels like pitch black darkness eventually you will find the rope God has thrown down to you. If you are standing up in the bright sunshine with the Lord look around. There might be a well with a rope thrown in. Grab on and pull you brothers and sisters out of there. You're either in the well, at the bottom on your knees, reaching out or climbing up OR you are out of the well in awe of your Lord.

    People ask me often how I have been doing since the big day in February when I nearly met my maker. To tell you the truth had God's will gone the other way I would have been happier than I could have imagined shortly before this trip. I could have been in eternity with my Lord and saviour, brother, Father and friend. I can't wait to see Jesus face to face. Like a bride on her wedding day standing before her bridegroom. Her veil lifted and they embrace with eager anticipation of the life that is about to be had. Oh how I long for that day when I meet him.

     But I am still here. And for that I am not sad to stay. I am forever grateful to Him that he is willing to wait for me until I am not needed here anymore. I feel the embrace of my husband throughout the day and see the kind eyes of my children gaze up at me and I wonder at this.

    James has always been my go-to book when there are hard trials coming my way or in my way. And I always come out strengthened by it. In my life Joy has always been the thing I have craved and longed for. I was incredibly sad in my teen years, entered into motherhood early only to find more sadness out of lack of confidence, have felt distant from God intermittently throughout my walk with Him, have struggled hard with my husband (as is normal), have longed sinfully for times in my life that were more fruitful and fulfilling, and even fell into despair not too long ago. Joy is what I have been longing for all of my life. So everytime I feel this way I turn to James and read through it. Often several times. And every time the same message pops out: Trials are joy. Testing makes you persevere. Perseverance leads to perfection and completion in Christ. Trials are joy. Trials are joy. That's James 1:2 for you. The same message comes up in 1John 4:12 too.

    As a Christian, we should never fall into despair. It's easy to throw that word around though isn't it. Recently we had a girls Anne of Green Gables marathon and Anne would throw this word around flippantly, "I'm in the depths of despair." This isn't a true depiction of this word. Despair is not being with God anymore. Having no hope. I remember in recent months weeping on the floor many times feeling like I was truly in the depths of despair. I felt that if I were to die at this moment I would suffer for eternity in Hell and the mere thought of this drove me lower and lower. I was face down on the bottom of a deep dark well with no hope or thought of a rope. God wasn't going to throw me one and no one else was picking me up.

      It was all a fallacy. I can see that very clearly now that I am standing upright. God loves me. He did not abandon me. I abandoned him. I continued in my prayer and study during this time but decided God was never going to help me.

Lies
       Lies
              Lies

       James 1:13 tells us he does not tempt us. God wasn't tempting me to turn from him. James 4:4 says when we love the world God becomes jealous of the spirit which he put in us. I was succombing to the sin in my life and he was jealous for my spirit. James 4:7 tells us to resist Satan and he will flee. Come near to God and he will come near to you. I wasn't resisting the lies Satan was fusing deep into my soul. How could I come closer to God? After this, in James 4:9 he goes on to tell us "grieve, mourn, and wail, change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up. HE WILL LIFT YOU UP...out of that well. You won't even need the rope. He'll scrape your limp weeping body up off the ground and place you up in the sunshine. That is how I got out. That's what it took to get out of the depth of despair.

     Life is full of trials. Peter reassures us of this in 1 Pet 1:6-7. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith...may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

     But the point of these trials should technically result in praise, glory and honour to Jesus. That is a genuine faith. Isn't that what we want? To have a genuine faith in Jesus? To give Him glory, honour, power, praise? Then we should endure our trials joyfully. But this doesn't mean put a smile on your face when your dog dies because you are supposed to supposed to be joyful. It means get your focus right. You should feel a peace in your heart when you're joyful in your suffering. This is persevering.

     For those on the mountaintop or just out of the well in the sunshine: You know this truth. You know that trial you just went through crafted you a little more into your true self coming closer to God. So it's your duty to help your brothers and sisters out. The end of Jude says Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy mixed with fear-hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

    Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12


    Lord thank you for the trials I have faced. Especially this last one. I love you more than life and although I can wait to see you I am really looking forward to you. 

Hold Fast to Me

Content Disclaimer: Not for you yet children. I would rather tell you about it and skip some of the details. You can read this when you're older. 


 I am discovering more and more that when I write, it is first to glorify God and next for myself. Whoever happens to read upon my writings are simply the fruit of the work God is doing. I find myself writing when I've had a revelation of some kind or am passionate about something or something drastic happens that I need to work though by writing. If you are reading, you are just enjoying my working myself out.

I just reread exactly what I wrote in my last post knowing there would be some crazy parallels to this one. This is the continuation of that story of hope. If you have time read the last one again before reading this one.



Yesterday I experienced joy in a way I had no idea joy could be felt. I don't even know if by the end of this you will truly understand what I am feeling because I don't know if I am capable of writing it all down.

I was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning. 2 Actually. The first one wasn't equipped to take care of the massive amount of bleeding I was experiencing and the life saving procedures that, unaware, needed to follow. I lost consciousness several times as Dan drove as fast as he could through the snow drifts in the dark of night. He could only just barely reach 100km/hr as far as I could tell when I was awake.

Thinking back on that 20 minute drive I realise how selfish I have been. I have complained about him. I have been bitter toward him. I have been rejecting him for many years. (I'm sure most wouldn't notice and would not think twice at these things but in my heart I know I have felt them.) Dan, you are constantly my hero. Whether you feel it or not. Last night once again you put on your armour and fought for my life. I love you more than I can express right now. I love you 1000 times more than I did the day before and I am sorry for not edifying you the way you HEAP praise on me when I am completely unworthy of it. You are my man. You are the person I can count on. You will always hold my hand and you will never let me down. Please forgive me for the lack of love I have shown you.

Dan held my hand all the way demanding me to squeeze, shake or bounce it. I think I did a pretty good job. I woke up to the sound of him crying out to God telling Him not to take me. I must of stopped squeezing. He'd tell me to say something and I would repeat the same thing over and over and over again because he told me to. He carried me into the hospital. He told funny jokes...yes funny jokes, for the next many hours. He made so many people laugh. I haven't laughed this much in a very long time.

Dan didn't ride with me to the next hospital. I felt fine. I got the impression that everything was going to be fine because there wasn't a sense of urgency from the one hospital but I think my condition changed drastically as they rolled me into the ER. I was told later that they weren't prepared for what they had to deal with. I was told my lips went see through and my skin was white. My vains had all become flat. I had some very interesting procedures done such a drilling into my knee bone to get a direct IV in there, having a small catheter like tube inserted into the vain in my neck, having a blood transfusion, receiving a total 6 litres of fluid within about 2 hours

As I layed on the table with all of this happening I saw many people. I even chatted with some of them. One of the nurses has 4 children. Almost as many as me. And he was young too. Dan was in and out smiling when there was a space for him, making me laugh, wishing me a happy Valentines day. But through all the business there were moments of peace. I remember looking up at the ceiling thinking to my Lord I might see you today. And I would be very happy to see you.  I wasn't scared in the least. Then my worldly momma/wife instinct kicked in and I asked Jesus to leave me here for a while so they would be okay. And he did.

I went to have the operation done once my snake needle had been inserted into my neck. (I can't help but gross people out sometimes...sorry) I looked up at my favourite nurse who had been so nice and was joking with me while Dan couldn't I asked him if I almost died. He told me yes. My heart could have stopped at any time.

When I woke up from surgery which was about 5 minutes later (but actually more like an hour and a half) I heard the funniest beeping. It was my heart monitor. I started to cry. I looked sad but was overflowing with joy and happiness. I could hear the monitor rushing faster and faster so the nurse told me I needed to stop crying.

Since then, every so often I start to cry in between laughing with my husband because I am too overwhelmed to comprehend the Grace of God. I can't believe I am still here. I kept telling Dan life is going to be so different. And it is. How could it not. I was almost not here. My 5 children almost didn't have a momma and my husband who can't live without me would have had to.

Although what is waiting for us in Heaven is the prize, the fact that God spared my earthly life gives me such a deeper understanding of His salvation. It's tangible now. I comprehend first hand what it means for your life to be saved. But God can save anyones life. ANYONE. It doesn't have to be like this story. It most likely won't be. He saves people out of darkness. He makes it so that people don't have to sin. But if He doesn't save you, you won't be scooped up in his loving arms in the end. Cry out to him and ask him to save you. You'll never feel another embrace you like He does as long as you cling to him. As long as you hold fast to him. Let him care for you. Life won't be easy after accepting his embrace. It will still be hard. My family has lost a daughter/sister, have had 2 miscarriages, have almost been separated but despite all the crap that goes on in life there will be hope.  There will always be hope. 

I Will Give the Glory to God

My mind has been a bit of a mess this week. There has been a constant flurry of bible stories running through my mind. I've been meditating on which one I want to mimic and which one's my heart, soul and body have been mimicking.

There's the centurion from Luke 2 who came telling Christ that his servant was dying. He told Christ if he would just say the word he believed his servant would be well and there was no need for Christ to come. What did he feel like going home? Did he have every assurance that his servant would be well? 

Then there's David who when his first child was dying he fasted with his head to the ground for 7 days. (2 Sam 12:14-23) And then when the child died he got up, washed himself, changed his clothes, worshiped the Lord, ate something and carried on. 

I think about the countless times that the people of God mourn in their appearance by dressing themselves in clothing of mourning. 

Mary and Martha called for Christ when their brother Lazarus died. They waited and waited and waited. It took Christ 4 days to get to them. Mary cried out to him prostrating herself before him "Why didn't you come!" Clearly she had been in mourning those last 4 days. 

The one that I have meditated most on is when Christ is in the Garden of Gethsemane before his crucifixion. In Matthew 26:39 it says And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." 

To tell you the truth I haven't been eager about this pregnancy. I've been waiting for time to get me excited about it. I kept telling myself, I will be excited eventually but for now I will not worry or be excited. I was a little complacent about the whole thing. This past Monday I had my first ultrasound scheduled. I was looking forward to it because I would probably be excited about the baby once I saw it for the first time. I was excited about becoming excited. As my 3 littlest ones watched the screen they were shortly after excused so a more thorough ultrasound could be done so they waited in the hall. I could see the news wasn't good news but the technician spoke in possibilities. She didn't see the baby but suggested it may be too early. This is when thoughts went rushing through my head. Not bad thoughts. More thoughts of hope. 

My midwife called the next day to tell me the pregnancy didn't look like it was viable. Still, there was that possibility that it could go the other way for the better. Should I act like the centurion who only needed to ask Gods word and his servant would be healed? Should I be like David who mourned his child while it's life was uncertain? Should I mourn the baby as Mary and Martha mourned Lazarus knowing in their hearts that he was dead? I wouldn't give in to the third at all. 

That night Whisper got the flu. I had heard of the flu going around for the second time in a few months and was hoping it wouldn't strike our home. I heard this strain was a very violent one. One that lasted days and was a constant flow of vomit. It takes so long  for a mamma to recoup after 5 kids going through the flu. Maybe that's why I myself haven't had it in years. I woke up to the sound of Whisper being sick. I hopped out of bed at first with an attitude of I may be about to have a miscarriage. What an inopportune time for the kids to be getting sick. I need someone to take care of me. How will I take care of my babes. I am going to be up all night and all I want to do is sleep. God had other plans. And I believe he let Whisper become sick to make me stronger. After that split minute moment of selfishness I thought to myself this is such a great time for me to cherish the babes I have in my arms.  I brought Whisper to my room, slathered her in oils to help fight the sickness, turned on the defuser with the same oils and slept with her on the couch. She threw up 3 times that night. I was expecting an all-nighter. Actually I slathered all of the kids with oils the next day. None of the other girls got sick. And even if they are yet to get sick, it won't have been all at once like every other time. The Lord is good. 

God puts trials in our lives so that we can be stronger. Whisper being sick could have been a why-me-wallow-in-my-own-misery type of trial but he wants us to take joy in our trials as James tells us. It's the joy in our trials that make us stronger. 

The next day or two, I can't remember it's been a blur has been that constant flow of thoughts but never giving up hope. Always praising God in the midst of a possible tragedy. Always thinking about Christ asking God to take this cup from him. Jesus still went to the cross because he loves us so much. If he hadn't loved us he would't have died for us. But I don't picture buddy Jesus taking up his cross at Calvary. I picture a man almost beaten to death but still hanging on so he can be the final sacrifice, tired, and in pain but I'm sure he was with his Father the whole time. I have been with the Father every moment of my waking days since Monday and it is such a wonderful feeling.  I have asked him to take this cup from me but if it is his will that the baby should die let His will be done and not my own. I have not been happy every moment, and I have sinned as I do every day but I have still been with God every moment. 

Today my body started to reject the baby we were praying for. Now sitting here writing this I feel pain as my body tries to flush what was once a living little person from my body. I am at peace about loosing our child. It is a painful thing to think about and have a lifeless person inside of you but the fact the s/he is gone means s/he is alive in heaven. Celebrating eternal life with his Saviour. It is sad for us here on Earth but what a wonderful thing for our child to experience. And s/he got there before I did. Lucky kid. 

Now that baby is gone, I am excited about the pregnancy. 

I mourn that.

That I did not glorify God while s/he was with us. But I will glorify God now that s/he is not.

Amen

Sometimes a Child Just Knows What They're Talking About

If you have children or are close with children, you probably know that God speaks through them in ways that we as adults couldn't imagine ourselves doing.

Over the course of motherhood, my kids have said things that have had a huge impact on me. There have been times when things my kids have said something that brought me to tears instantly like when our 3rd daughter died and Jenny praised the Lord for her life the very day she found out and then took her grandmothers to church with her so matter-of-factly. There have been times when I've asked one of my kids to pray for something simple like "The baby's diaper needs to be changed, we're in the car and I've been looking for one for 10 mins. Could you please ask God for a diaper." and one just happens to be on top of the pile next to me after she's done praying. My kids are some of the strongest people I know. It's funny. I'm supposed to be their role model. I'm supposed to teach them things of life but often I find the roles reversed. 

Today I want to talk about my second daughter, Rainy. Rainy loves. She loves her Momma, she loves to help in the kitchen, she loves sitting next to the wood stove and she loves bugs.  She's at that age where she's coming to a very pure understanding of God but also starting to try to wrestle with the difficult things of life. Jenny did the same at her age and now with Rainy I'm finding myself amazed at the things she comes up with; all on her own. She is truly an inspiring girl.

Rainy had been sleeping in this huge papasan chair next to her closet for weeks. It's big enough that she was sleeping comfortably but after a few weeks I asked her why she kept sleeping there, she was going to end up having a backache, only half expecting an answer. She told me it was because she was afraid of the closet. I couldn't believe my ears. Before I had the chance to answer, Jenny, in passing, piped up and said "yeah she's afraid of bugs too." WHAT! What shocking news. I couldn't even process that information. This is the girl that built a worm farm, that took a caterpillar on the mary-go-round until it oozed green goo out of it's eye balls, that keeps what ever bugs she can find in any type of container. After a moment of complete and utter shock Rainy explained why she was doing what she was doing. With the bugs and now with the bed. This is one of those moments that make you stop and think about who is teaching who. 

Rainy said to me that if she was closer to the closet she wouldn't be afraid of it anymore. Rainy sleeps next to her fear. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief that my 7 year old would think of something so mature and profound to do. That will always stick with me. 



Recently Rainy, had a sewing accident. As she was threading her needle her hand slipped and hit the needle down button and the needle came down on her thumb. Right through. Both ends protruding through her skin. It was the worst day of her life as well as one of mine. She and I cried all the way to CHEO. She wasn't just crying about the pain but she was questioning God. Why would God let this happen and  why do I have to be so young going through such a terrible thing and Why couldn't God stop Satan.  I told her because God doesn't want to make someone love him. She responded with Well he could have at least trained him not to be so mean. She kept telling me she wanted her Daddy. Funny how she had an instinctual need for her fathers. She wanted answers and comfort from both her father in heaven and here on earth. A mother has such a gift to provide comfort to her children when they need it most but deep down a girl just needs her daddy. She told me she felt like she was in a dream but it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. The one time I remember feeling that way was when my daughter died. That was the amount of emotional pain she was suffering.

How can a 7 year old possibly know how to ask questions like this? I can't say anymore on this because I am still blown away by it all but I needed to get it down in writing before I forgot these precious moments. 

I am very proud and humbled at the same time to be the mother of 6 little girls who have all taught me something very profound in life in many many ways. What a humbling experience it is to be shown something about life through the life of a little one. 

Jenny, Rainy, Pillar, Whisper and Charlie I am immensely proud of you. You do not see it all the time but you must always remember in the back of your mind that your mother couldn't be more proud of who you are, the girls you are and are becoming. I love you so very much. 

Love Mommer

Kid's... I'll Tell You When You're Older.

Content Disclaimer: Not for you yet children. When you are ready to get married you may read this post. But not until then.

Sex is boring! The sole purpose of sex is to release sexual tension built up throughout the day...or sometimes a few days so you can go to sleep, wake up the next morning, go through your day while your husband builds up more sexual tension, and do it all again. There's no doubt that it is pleasurable when it happens and that it does make for a better sleep but could I have done without it? Yeah. 

Making Love. Now that's something worth talking about. 

In Genesis 4:1 we read that Adam "knew his wife". I looked at the word "know" in Strong's Lexicon and here are all the definitions for the word to know.  Now I understand that they don't all pertain to the action of making love but just for fun I looked at them in that perspective and what I found was that they really all describe love making really well. I've put my favourites in bold and continue talking about them next. 

to know 

to know, learn to know 

to perceive 

to perceive and see, find out and discern 

to discriminate, distinguish 

to know by experience 

to recognise, admit, acknowledge, confess 

to consider

to know, be acquainted with

to know (a person carnally)

to know how, be skilful in

to have knowledge, be wise

to be made known, be or become known, be revealed

to make oneself known

to be perceived

to be instructed

to cause to know

to cause to know

to be known

known, one known, acquaintance

to make known, declare

to be made known

to make oneself known, reveal oneself

Learn to know it is something that you need to learn. It's been 10+ years since I started and it's only gotten better...much better. And it's going to get better. I can't even imagine that. 

Find out and discern Wow. There's a mental image. Find out what's right for you. For a long time the idea of oral sex was very unappealing. To some it will always be unappealing, but find out whether it is or not and discern.

To know by experience. Paul says in 1 Cor 7:1-5 that both husband and wife should not deprive the other of love making so that we are not tempted to do something stupid whether it is as horrid as watching pornography or temptation of another woman to letting built up sexual tension cause friction between husband and wife. Experience is the key here. Lots of experience. 

To recognize, admit, acknowledge, confess. This is probably my favourite of all of the definitions. Making love is not like sex. Making love ignites all the senses. Look at Song of Solomon In the first paragraph along this woman is using taste; with a kiss, drinking wine. She smells the pleasing fragrance of the oils he is using to rub on her, Touch; running together, the king brings her into his chambers. Sight, she is described, "do not stare at me because I am swarthy" she says. She asks her lover a question and listens for the answer. That is one paragraph. The whole book is like this. They make love on many accounts throughout this book and each time they are playing, having fun, talking, hiding, laughing. In the second paragraph the woman is talking about her house. "I love my house. What a wonderful couch we have, and the rafters are amazing." They are talking about everyday things. What an amazing time to confess and ask forgiveness. what a great way to say "I forgive you."

To Consider means to actually think about what he's saying. My husband is a closed type of person. It is hard for me to get any emotion from him mainly because I don't think he fully knows just how to put it. But during this time of talking, exploring, something important might just come out. I wouldn't jump all over my husband the moment he opens up because he'd just close up again, but considering what he says helps me to understand him a bit more all the time. 

To know how, be skilful in. Well that one speaks for itself. I used to be really paranoid about doing things the right or wrong way, I was insecure, I didn't even want to show my whole self off to my husband but we've done some couples studies together and through them you learn a lot. It has taken me 10 years to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me 1000 times a day but it took that long. A lot of it had to do with the taboo of sex I had in my mind. My favourite study we did was by Mark and Grace Driscoll called REAL Marriage. Here is his series of sermons on the topic  In the book, which I recommend you read had an extensive section on sex. It was a great read. Also to be instructed goes along with this statement well. Don't be scared to ask if you're doing it right or wrong. 

Be revealed I loved this one because it is talking about me...It made me ashamed to "be revealed". Especially after a baby belly (some of my several marathon a year runner friends may not find this to be the case) but to my husband I was like Solomon's girl. If your husband doesn't make you feel like this, read Song of Solomon together...naked. Michael Pearl wrote a wonderful commentary on the Song of Solomon called Holy Sex. Get this book. I wish I still had it but I give all my good reads away.

To make oneself known Before Adam and Eve took the fruit they were naked and that's just the way it was. They were beautiful to each other and there was nothing to tell them otherwise. Until sin came along. Then they realized they were embarrassed. Mark Driscoll said one of my favourite lines about loving the beauty of ones spouse. He said “Don't cohabitate. Don't fornicate. Don't look at pornography. Don't create a standard of beauty. Have your spouse be your standard of beauty. This is one of the great devastating effects of pornography: you lust after people and compare your spouse to them. It's impossible to be satisfied in your marriage if you don't have a standard that is biblical; that standard is always your spouse.” Isn't that wonderful? Your standard of beauty is your own husband. Let him be comfortable with you and you with him. 

Declare! That one's a little hard to do when the kids are sleeping in the room next door. Just joking...a little. Well this blog post is certainly a declaration of what I know in my 10 short years of marriage which I hope is just the tip of the iceberg.

Can you believe all of that is from 1 word! To know. 

Well that was fun. 

Goodnight!

***As a quick addendum I'd like to state that making love takes a while and although I enjoy it quite a lot more than raw sex, there is definitely a time for plain ol' sex. Like at the end of a very long day, eyelids drooping and neither of you will stay awake for more than 15 more minutes. ***