Good Grief!

I remember hearing this saying often when I was a child. I'm not sure from where; maybe my mother, maybe t.v. I don't know but what truth is in this statement! Jesus tells us the truth in this statement in Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn.

Now if you've been reading my blog you'll notice I'm mentioned the sermon on the mount a couple of times now. I want you to know that I don't only read the sermon on the mount. I love it all. I like referring to the sermon because it is so incredibly black and white, clean cut, clear to read, strait to the point, and right from the mouth of our Saviour while he was here on earth. The whole bible is strait from his mouth mind you (John 1:1) but this part is spoken to us by God the son; man, human being; to us, people, human beings.

Back to my post; Blessed are those who mourn. What a contradictory statement. How can we be blessed in a time of mourning? How can we feel hope and freedom and grace and everything else that comes through the death of Christ when we lose someone we love? How do we loose a child or parent or sister or friend and say to ourselves "Well, God says I'm blessed so this is good." What a hard thing to even consider thinking about.

What if we lead lives that were great, all around. We had good jobs, we didn't loose anyone in our lives except perhaps through old age, you never experience tragedy, you've never been hurt to the inner most part of you, you have a great marriage because you and your spouse agree on everything, you have a nanny for your children so you don't even need to teach or train them and by the time you see them in the evenings they've been prepped to be obedient pleasant little children, you go on holidays, you have a disposable income for special times etc...Would you have lead the ideal life? Not really.

When our 3rd daughter, Ellie, died we were in total mourning. There were months of time off work, months of no cooking as our church, family and friends provided it to us, months of just stopped life. In the moment would I have traded that pain for anything? YES. Now would I? Absolutely not. If we hadn't gone through that raw state of grief we wouldn't know just how great great is. Everything would be on level ground. Happy would feel almost the same as sad. There was no concept of the plain of difference between the two. We would live in a state of grey instead of black and white.

In Romans 5:20 we read that the law in the old testament was put into place so that sin would increase. So that there was a line between black and white. So that when you did wrong you'd know damn well what you did was wrong. But the verse doesn't stop there. We know as Christians that we have died to sin. We have risen again through Christ. Sin's chains no longer hold us down no matter how much it feels that way sometimes. Christ came to break those chains apart. We don't live in the black anymore, we live in the white. The white is grace. Here's the second half of Romans 5:20: But where sin increased, grace abounded all the more. Here's the white. We live in God's grace. The black is there so that the white will abound even more than we could have imagined if there had been no black at all. Verse 21 says: So that as sin reigned in death (BLACK) grace might also reign through righteousness leading to [WHITE:] ETERNAL LIFE :) :) :) through Jesus Christ our Lord. We know good more because of bad. We know happiness more because of sadness, we know joy more because of grief, we know perseverance more because of trials in our live.

Jesus says Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted because you will know a comfort and happiness far surpassing all understanding if you go through hard times such as loosing a loved one; hard times with your spouse; trying times with a rebellious child.

Blessed are you readers, who go through hard times. Persevere through them and come out with a greater understanding and capability of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Against these things there is no black [law]. (Gal 5:22-23)

Home Sweet Home

Our family has just moved into an old home. And I mean an old home. The ceilings are slanted; there are cracks in the walls; every window lets in a cold draught; there are leaks in the rough coming in. All this said and I look at them all and smile. I love this home. It's an old farm house built in 1865 and it has wonderful character but along with that comes the joyful "burden" of repairs. I'm sitting here on an old and almost antique blue couch our pastor gave us, soaking in the natural warmth of the wood stoves, admiring the thick wooden beams in the ceiling and floor with the spiral staircase in front of me. I feel like a queen. But the only reason I can feel like this is because I have an amazing family to keep me company. Without them, this would just be an old house with foundation problems and a leaking rough. It would be a constant thing of worry and upkeep. Without them there is no way I could stare at water dripping in with a smile on my face knowing that everything will be okay.

I've been think about a series of verses lately. They are all different; some long, some short but they come back to the same thing over and over again in Deuteronomy. About following God's commands to love the Lord our God.

Deut 11:18-20

18 ²⁷"You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and ²⁸you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 20 ²⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,

It's funny how we are not bound by the law any longer, yet here is a beautiful promise made for His people to follow His law and yet the thing that is being stressed is the very thing Christ tells us to continue doing; Love the Lord your God. This is the great commandment and God is saying here, in the old testament, that "if you do this, you will prosper. I will give you riches and land."

I am not preaching the prosperity gospel right now...this is the promise he made to his people at this point in scripture. I do believe God can provide the money for us to get our roof fixed, foundation looked at, windows replaced, etc but that is not what he is promising me. He is promising me that if I 1 teach them to my children, talk of it when we are sitting in our house, and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down, and when we rise. 20 ^29and write them on the doorposts of our house and on our gates, then he will fulfill our needs. For me, being fulfilled means to be able to look at a leak coming into the house and smile. People think I'm crazy. There are 1000 things that people tell us need to be taken care of immediately but my "immediately" consists of 3 little girls; VERY soon to be 4 and a wonderful husband whom I adore more and more each day. This is the promise God has made to us. When we love him with all our hearts, souls, minds, strengths, he will bless our pants off...because he said so. He's a great Father and with him, we're home sweet home.

Considering a field in Suburbia

Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks

I've been thinking about this verse all day and what it means to consider a field. I'm not sure it's too practical these days to go out and consider a field. But what is a field? I've been wondering what are the fields in my life. What are the things that I consider? I think that's really what this is about. It's not that she is purchasing a field, it's the considering part. It doesn't say "she sees a really great deal on a field and buys it because it's a good buy" it says she considers it. I have the problem of just umping into things thinking they will just work out and convincing my husband it's a good idea. A lot of times this just causes a lot of extra hassel and waisted money. Not enough consideration is done before I just jump into these great ideas of mine.

This is the heart of this part of the passage. Being smart and considering what is best. I'd like to share a personal example of how this verse has worked in my life. Just because she considers it and buys doesn't mean our results should always end in the buy. I started a little home business with my friend while we were in Oregon last year. I bought a lot of supplies, made a lot of product, spent time and money to be vendors at craft sales and hardly anything came of it. Most of my product is stuck in Oregon because we couldn't afford to bring it back to Canada since it would take up so much space. It wasn't a wise decision. I thought I would continue to work on the business while here in Ottawa. I'd try to squeeze in a couple of hours of work on the computer trying to market online every day and this poor little computer just didn't want to chug along. It ended in a lot of frustration and waiting. It would take all day just to load a acouple of items online and there was a constant heaviness in me because I was anxious. (probably had a lot to do with the poor internet connection). I'd call Dan at work and tell him how frustrated I was that I couldn't get this thing going. There was a lot of waisted time and finally Dan said to me "you need to take a break from this stuff right now. I am going to work and support us and you don't have to worry about it." Now to some, this might come off as a controlling husband who doesn't let their wife do the thing they are working so hard at. This is not it at all. I saw it very much as an act of love and he was trying to spare me from all this frustration and freed me from feeling bound to getting this thing going and successfull. Thinking about this verse I realized I didn't consider my field. I just went out and bought it. Then we get to the next part of the verse.

She sets about her work vigorously and her arms are strong for her task. This is how vigorous is defined: 1. full of or characterized by vigor: a vigorous effort. 2. strong; active; robust: a vigorous youngster. 3. energetic; forceful: vigorous steps; a vigorous personality. 4. powerful in action or effect: vigorous law enforcement. 5. growing well, as a plant. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vigorous . None of those words discribe how I went about my work on the website. I went about my work in frustration and anxiety. So not only did I not consider my field, I also didn't have vigor. I also didn't know what I was doing which contributed to the frustration. My hands were not strong for my task.

So our Proverbs 31 lady considered the thing she was about to endeavor on, she worked vigorously-did a great job-and knew exactly what she was doing. Her hands were strong for her task. She knew how to farm a field.

So, I still don't spend any time on the website I wasted hours on. But I believe that was, is and will continue to be a wise choice not to. The thing that I have considered is this blog; is preparing school for the girls and making sure I impress God's word on their hearts, talking about it when we walk along the road and when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed (Deut 6:7); is studying scripture and sharing with friends I meet who's marriages hurt. These are the things I have considered. These are the things that I have vigor for. These are the things that I am strong in...or at least getting stronger at.

So what is your field? And are you doing it begrudgingly or because you have vigor for it? And are you good at it? Are you working hard at it? These are the things that need to be kept in the heart all the time. Is what you are doing really coming from God because I have a feeling, if you don't feel motivated to do it, if you aren't good at it, it you are full of anxiety about it, you may not have prayerfully considered it. Let Him live in you. There is something for you to consider, whether big or small, He has something for you to do. I hope you find it and make God the center of everything you do. I can't do anything good without him. There is no good without him.

Getting started in the morning

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.

It has been a while since I've written. I've been in kind of a slump lately. 7 months pregnant sure doesn't inspire me to get up while "it is yet night"...neither do these dark winter mornings. This morning, though, I had the pleasure of waking up at 530am to see my husband off. He'd out of town for a few days and it just so happens that we awoke to the first snowfall of the year. I went back to bed!

So clearly I am not living out this part of the verse and so I want to dive into this and figure out what it means. I can tell you that I have gone back and forth through phases of waking up early and sleeping in and I KNOW that when I wake up early my day is ALWAYS better so why is it that I give in to the "sleep monster"? Isn't it funny? Paul says in Romans 7 I do not do what I want but I do the very thing that I hate. I don't think sleeping in is the thing that I hate (or sin) but I do think the outcome of it has proven to be. Maybe that's why I've been in a bit of a slump lately...because I have become lazing in getting the day started. I wake up at 630 with Pillar every morning but lay in bed, her crawling all over me, hauling teddies, stories and blankets into the cramped little space I have and all, but I don't usually force myself out of bed until 7 or 730. Does that extra 30 mins of non sleep really do anything benificial? I don't think so.

So, speaking from experience, when I have gotten up before the babies ever did to do devotions, pray, meditate etc, my attitude is so much more possitive than when I sleep in. So here are my options: Lay in bed for an extra 30 mins of completly disturbed sleep hoping I will have slept a total of 1 min more, or get out of bed, spend time with my Lord and soak in his word. Hmmmm sounds like a no brainer to me. Now like I said, I don't think the sleeping in part is the bad part (for me anyway) but my attitude becomes poor, my frustration level grows, and the day just doesn't start well. So here I am, just like Paul saying "I don't do the thing I want to do (have a good attitiude) and I do the thing that I hate" (have a bad attitude). So for me, turns out sleeping in isn't a good thing, And it took me this blog to realize it because without writing it down, I would have just slept in tomorrow morning :)

I do want to talk specifically about the food part (I think you know by now this is pretty much my favourite earthly thing). I know many people don't take this passage litterally and it is quite impossible to do these days anyway and the reader from the previous post commented that we can't live every detail of this passage litterally otherwise we will burn ourselves out, but finding out what it really means to you to wake up while it is still night and prepare food for your household is really important too. So does that mean sleeping in like me is good for you (it isn't for me) or taking the kids to McDonalds for breakfast every morning, if that's the way this verse is true for you, let it be so then, but I would like to share with you from my perspective; how I make (or try) to make it work. Our schedule has been a little off lately since I have had a job every morning that goes from 730-830 so our days have just started a little later so this part of the passage hasn't really worked out for me lately but I keep a great memory of my mom with me when I think about this part. We have been living with my parents for the last couple of months waiting to see if God would take us back to Oregon for missions work (where we left from last year) but he's told us to stay so in that waiting time we've been crashing my parent's. Now I can tell you from the time being here lately as well as when we were little, one of the best feelings is to wake up to freshly baked croissants or muffins. HOT muffins! What a treat. How special it feels to be a daughter who gets to wake up after doddling around getting ready, to a nice hot aroma that fills the house. Up the stairs I come and the smell just gets better and better and there's my mom, still in her pj's making the family breakfast. For no other reason except for the fact that she wants to serve us. Now this lady is a busy lady; it doesn't happen often that she bakes in the morning but when she does, man is it special! I am her daughter; I was part of her household and to some degree, am right now, which means in that moment, she is this woman, waking early to provide food for her family, and as her daughter I feel so special to be treated to such a lovely morning. You know, later on in the passage, it says "Her children rise up and call her blessed". In this moment of gratitude, I call my mother blessed! And I hope my children either see me that way now or will when they grow older. I want to be able to bless my children in that way to. The morning is not just a time for me to decide on my own attidude but for me to decide on my kids attitude as well. This is the question I must ask myself: Will I wake up and have a poor attitude and spread that to the family, or will I bite the bullet and wake up early, refreshed and ready to start my day and treat my family to something really special, whether that be breakfast or something else.

As the mom, I have the power to control everybody's attitude throughout the day; mine, my kids, and my husband. So what will be my choice, a poor attitude or a good one? The good one always comes from God. When I start my day with Him, he is there all day long supporting me and encouraging me but the second I put something before him and say "devotions can wait" or "I'll do it later" things go down hill.

I think I could go on and on but for now I will stop. I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderfully blessed week!

Happy mornings :)

Living out the Word

I am in the middle of writing a post, still, about the first line about the proverbs 31 woman. I have been contemplating what it means to be worth more than the most precious jewels and every day I think I'm going to finish it but I don't. I want to talk about Esther so I've been reading the book the last couple of days but with everything else, it's hard to squeeze everything in. I will finish the book tonight and post it hopefully tomorrow.

As for the other half of it...It's not just that I haven't managed to collect my thoughts and write them down; it's also because for the last week I've been feeling kind of lost. I don't live in my own home with my family so I find the things I know I should and want to be doing for my family become a little more complicated and stress levels are extremely high living with so many different types of people. I have a hard time living up to expectations that have been set out for me and continue to fail (not on the part of my husband or children) I have been trying to rip this sin of being angry and frustrated out of my life and it's working. Dan looked at me the other day and said "Get this out of you...it's not who you are so stop it". So I did :) Things have been better and I look forward to the day we have our own place. There have also been a lot of challenging discussions over the last week that Dan has helped me work through. Ideas of the Gospel needing to be spread in a very low key level and not actually sharing the gospel and instead "showing" the gospel. I don't agree with this. I believe Jesus was never subtle in his teachings and when something went wrong, he told them about it. I wouldn't rebuke anyone (maybe my kids) but as for teaching, I know I'm not supposed to beat around the bush which is what many people like to do...it's safe. Christianity isn't safe. It's supposed to be hard. We're supposed to be persecuted. I know that people wont listen to good things sometimes but that shouldn't stop us from sharing. There isn't a time in Jesus' ministry where he kept quite about his Father when speaking to people. He was always talking about it. Why are we so scared to do that today? Why is it good enough that we ONLY show people Christ through our actions? No! Paul said "by faith alone" James says "Faith with out works is dead" so it's not one or the other. You can't just choose the nice sounding one because it makes void the second. and vice verse. You can't just do good things and not truly believe. Scripture never contradicts itself. So how do those go together? When you truly believe, there is something that happens inside of you...YOU DIE!

Romans 6:1 says "Shall we continue to sin so that Grace may abound? BY NO MEANS!!!! How can we who have died to the flesh continue living in it? don't you know that we who have been baptized have been baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him and Just as Christ was risen from the dead by the Glory of the Father, we too shall walk in a newness of life."

It's fairly clear what Paul says. He says, we have no means to sin. When we sin as Christians, it is a falter of our flesh but WE have no means to sin. It's dead. So there is a conversion of heart. When you are baptized into Christ, you know something new (if you truly believe) and your action will just show it. Automatically...if you are constantly reading and learning. It's not good enough to say "I'm a Christian" and do what "feels" like a good Christian would act like. You need to KNOW how a Christian should act and the only way to do that is to get into the word. Jesus IS the word. So why wouldn't we want to spend all our time in it. If he's the person we are trying to become like, then we should be saturating ourselves in him always. Memorizing scripture, reading the bible at any free moment, challenging your own life and making sure you're doing the things you are being asked to do. That all Christians are asked to do. It's such a revelation when you fall in love with the word. No wonder...it's falling in love with Christ.

Anyway, I'm sure I said some things that people won't agree with or perhaps I worded wrong and maybe that's why certain people have labeled me a certain way but I'm speaking from my heart. The things that I am passionate about, I will write here. And this is definitely the biggest one.